The Missing "Breaking News"

(Early) July 2007. The world of wrestling was in a tumultous state, as just weeks earlier Mr. McMahon had perished on television. It was a time that was both tragic and rife for parody-style articles for someone such as myself.

That said... obviously this article never saw the light of the day because the Benoit tragedies were made public one day before this was scheduled to run. Not that one really had to do with the other, but it was a good call in light of the tragic real-life situation. Still, I figured enough time has passed now where I could at least publish it here.

No, it has nothing to do with the Benoit family; just poking a little fun at Vinnie Mac... and some other guy.




Breaking News: Orton Unaware McMahon's Death A "Work"

By Canadian Bulldog, World Wrestling Insanity News

(Wilkes-Barre, PA) - "Legend Killer" Randy Orton remains the sole employee within World Wrestling Entertainment that hasn't yet been informed that Chairman Vince McMahon didn't actually perish in a fiery limousine explosion.

"At first, it was just kind of a rib," explained backstage agent Arn Anderson. "All of us had a good laugh watching Randy cry out in horror when he thought that Vince was really dead."

The June 11 incident, played out on WWE's flagship program Monday Night Raw, saw McMahon allegedly step into his limousine before it exploded. Orton tore himself away from oiling up his chest long enough to watch the segment from a nearby monitor.

The third-generation superstar then berated several employees who didn't appear to be mourning the loss of their company's founder.

"What the hell are you laughing about, Ric Flair?" Orton chided 16-time world champion Ric Flair during a post-show dinner. "What are you laughing about? The hell are you laughing about? Sure, there were times where I wished he was dead, too, Ric Flair, but you don't see me acting all happy about it."

WWE officials were initially going to let Orton in on the joke, but couldn't resist the comedic possibilities of avoiding doing so.

"I felt kind of bad about deceiving him, especially after he came over and hugged me like that," admitted Vince's son Shane McMahon. "But then when he vowed not to rest until the real killers were found... I mean, how many times does this kind of a prank just fall into your lap?"

The rib continued on the next week, when Orton was mock-interrogated backstage by special investigator Daniel Beck for more than two hours.

"I did not assassinate Mr. McMahon, Daniel Beck" Orton said in a segment that will appear on WWE 24/7 next month. "I did not! I didn't assassinate him, Daniel Beck!"

The company went so far as to stage a mock funeral for McMahon, purely for the benefit of ribbing Orton, in a conference room at WWE's Titan Towers complex. Longtime McMahon employee Howard Finkel even asked Orton to deliver a eulogy.

"We will not forget the legacy of Vince McMahon," said a somber Orton, as employees bit their lips in order to hold back laughter. "We will not forget, Vince McMahon! We won't forget your legacy!"

The fun was almost spoiled, however, when McMahon himself accidentally walked into the conference room to prepare for a later meeting. WWE official Sgt. Slaughter explained to Orton that it was not Vince, but instead his long-lost identical cousin Vance McMahon.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Vance McMahon," explained a confused Orton as he introduced himself to his employer of five years. "A pleasure! It is a sheer pleasure to meet you, Vance McMahon. Your cousin would have been proud - you look just like him, only pudgier."

In an unrelated development, Orton has been transferred to Friday Night SmackDown, where he will travel with John Bradshaw Layfield and will job repeatedly to Hornswaggle.

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