Giving the devil his due

Okay, I'll admit it: I read Hyatte's column. Often. I don't agree with every last thing he says, but whatever, there's usually some funny stuff there. This week's one had me busting a gut. It was a section of questions to ask unemployed/past-their-prime wrestlers at the Wrestle Reunion thing this weekend. Here are some of the highlights, in my opinion:

To Mick Foley
-Wasn't "Tietam Brown" supposed to finally free you from this bullshit?
-Have you ever actually measured your ass?
-The fuck are you doing putting over Samoa Joe?
-Why don't you stop being coy and agree to wrestle Flair at Mania.
-Doesn't it feel good to not have your livelihood controlled by Vince?
-Was it worth it, Mick?
-Why did you name your kid "Dewey" and not "Huey"? Or "Looey"?
-Who the hell buys those dumb children's books?
-Would it kill you to say something not so nice about SOMEONE for once?
-Is there anyone you WON'T put over, for crying out loud?

to Magnum T.A.
-Hasn't this injury angle gone on long enough?
-I'll give you $20 if you do 5 jumping jacks.
-Who are you, now?
-Have you been able to have sex since you're car wreck?
-I have Tom Selleck on the phone, he says it's time to drop the "Magnum" part of your name.

To Roddy Piper
-Ever hear of Clinique?
-What's your problem?
-Explain how Tim Brooks can manhandle your penis in order to yank out a growth and have it NOT be gay?
-What happened to "They Live 2"?
-What happened to you?
-Will you be as timely and as cutting edge as ever by cutting a promo where you compare Vince McMahon to Dan Quayle?
-Explain exactly how you are "Rowdy"?
-Does the expression, "It's Over" mean anything to you?

The Masked Superstar
-Oh for... take off that fucking MASK!!!
-How do we know you're you? You're under a mask?
-Isn't "Masked Superstar" an oxymoron?
-Do you wear the mask when you're selling cars?
-Is "The Unknown Comic" your hero?