SmackDown: Here Comes The Crap

So my brother and I caught the SmackDown tapings last night on a lark. Normally, I would have been all over a TV taping, but I've been REALLY down on SmackDown lately. Still, the show was literally a five minute walk from my office, so I figured `why not?'.

I soon found out.

Firstly, it took us FOREVER to get into the building because there was only one indoor entrance, and it was pouring rain outside, so we all waited for easily 30 minutes to get into the building. Our seats weren't the best, but they were last minute, so it's all good.

The show itself, as the spoilers below may indicate, was just terrible. The sole highlight of the night was a crudely-drawn chalk-style drawing of Rikishi I bought outside the ACC for my brother. There was a street vendor outside the building (they also had Rock, Austin, Mankind, etc., but none as cheesy as The 'Kish). I was able to bargain the vendor down from $15 to just 6 bucks, so I felt it was worth the running joke we'd have for the night.

Anyways, here are the spoilers (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!) Warning: the following program contains scenes of utter crap. Viewer discretion is not only advised, it's actually encouraged:




Velocity matches:

Spike Dudley defeated Shannon Moore
Mark Jindrak defeated Billy Kidman
Rico and Charlie Haas defeated Akio and Sakoda, in the only decent match of the night.

SmackDown matches:

Interview number one: Booker T claims he didn't aid The Dudleyz in kidnapping Paul Bearer last week. John Cena (wearing an Old School Blue Jays jersey) comes out, blames Booker for interfering in his lumberjack match last week. Does a hilarious impression of Booker, claims Book makes the faces he does because he craps his pants.). Kurt Angle and Luther come out, tell Cena he isn't a good role model, blah blah blah. Booker and Cena brawl, with Cena falling onto Angle and knocking him out of his wheelchair. Angle screams that "they" will strip Cena of the U.S. title.

Eddy Guerrero defeated Danny Basham. Doug was booted from ringside.

Interview number two: Mordecai had a looooong segment where he prayed for our sins. Give him hell, Mordecai!!!

Interview number three: Miss Jackie won a four-way bikini contest with Sable, Dawn Marie and Torrie. Jamie Noble (in a tux) was the guest host for some reason. At the end of it, all four women sprayed Noble with water and pushed him into a sandbox. The hilarity never ends!!!

Bob Holly and Billy Gunn (Hardcore Ass) defeated FBI. And yet the OTHER tag team match was on Velocity? Bizarre!

Chavo Classic defeated Funaki. After words, a group of women ran into the ring to congratulate Chavo Classic. In a later segment, Classic reveals to Junior that he paid them all off.

Rey Mysterio defeated Rene Dupree, cleanly. Huh?

Interview number four: Bradshaw arrived with a bullrope in tow to announce what kind of match he's having with Eddy Guerrero at GAB. Hmmm, let's see... maybe an Elimination Chamber match? Or perhaps a Triple Threat? No, it will be the DREADED BULLROPE MATCH, met with the delight of the crowd. Or maybe not.

The Undertaker went to a no-contest with Booker T when Paul Heyman ran out on the mic and claimed that The Dudleyz would harm Paul Bearer if Undertaker didn't do as Heyman said. Heyman tried to convince Taker to join his stable and "together, we'll dominate SmackDown!" (as opposed to... who?). The show ended there, then there was a ridiculous schmozz involving Taker, Booker, Cena, Dudleyz, Bradshaw and Dupree.

Awful ending to an awful show.