Well, at least ONE of my columns is up now....

No offense meant, because I really DO hope The Rick is feeling okay, but... damn!

Anyways, while you're counting down the minutes/hours/days/weeks to 8IE, why not check out the latest TWS, aka:

Canadian Bulldog's True Wrestling Stories - Bill Apter


Enjoy.

No fucking clue....

BAH!

"Eight Is Enough" Coming This Monday

Honest! We mean it this time! Check out the front page of OO right now if you don't believe me.... now, watch a sudden hurricane blast through the greater Dayton, Ohio area....

My secret hope, though, is if I mention the words "Eight Is Enough" enough times, particularly inside of quotation marks, eventually if will outrank the television show of the same name on a Google search.

Hmm, I wonder if this is how the whole "Cinzia Hart" thing got started.....

Canadian Bulldog, "Eight Is Enough" Agree To Part Ways

Canadian Bulldog has released "Eight Is Enough" from its contract. We wish it the best in future endeavours.



(Commence comments like: "Bulldog never even gave Eight Is Enough a chance" and "I can't wait to see Eight Is Enough in TNA now".)

[?] Days Until "Eight Is Enough"

Your guess is as good as mine at this point, but when it gets here.... oh-ho boy, when it gets here.... you pathetic people will never eeeeeeeeever be the same, agaiiiiin.

[0] Days Until "Eight Is Enough"

..... or is it? Now, I'm not so sure (~OMG, SWERVE!).

Don't get me wrong - everything is written and ready to roll. But then I noticed the following message from The Rick on the Online Onslaught message boards (someone had asked why he hasn't been updating the site since Monday):

"Computer is not unwell. Rick is unwell. So very, very unwell."

Without knowing any other details, I wonder if this may push things back a little. The Bulldog Curse strikes again. That's it; I'm not hyping ANYTHING anymore.

That said... I will keep you updated if I have any further details.

DVD Review - Bret Hart "The Best There Is, The Best There Was, The Best There Ever Will Be"

(Just a little something to break up the monotony of constant "XX Days Until 8IE" posts, you understand....)

I was really worried that WWE would screw this one up somehow, which is why I avoided buying it. In fact, I HAVEN'T bought it yet (which has got to be a first for me and my rapidly-expanding DVD collection); but my brother was kind enough to lend me his copy.

That said: this is kind of an anomaly in WWE's series of DVDs, in so much as you see right from the cover who had "creative control" of this one. It says "WWE and Bret "Hitman" Hart present...." as opposed to just WWE. A little thing, to be sure, but you better believe that was a big deal to him. Also you have the introduction by Vince McMahon, which I'd say was pretty classy, except that I'd bet it was one of Bret's terms for doing this.

The DVD story, however, is fantastic. A great look at somehow whose entire wrestling legacy really has been tarnished over the past decade. It's not just Montreal and Owen, though: Bret SHOULD be used as an example of WWE's greatest stars, whenever they do a compilation video or whatnot. Sometimes they do, but his appearance is not always a given, as it should be.

You get the impression watching this that Bret (a) is still very much bitter over a lot of the things that happened to him and (b) he's fiercely proud of said legacy. In fact, you rarely see him crack a smile or "break character" in telling his life story. Hey, I can't say I blame the guy, I'm just saying its VERY apparent that Bret won't rest until he's been immortalized. Fortunately, the DVD and his recent HOF induction go quite far in preserving that.

There's some tremendous Stampede footage, plus stories of his early WWF days, and then of course his prime WWF years. The Screwjob issue is definitely covered, but not nearly as trashy as WWE has been doing for years. And his WCW years are pretty much ignored, but hey, that's what WCW did, too. Of course, the trademark potshot at Eric Bischoff is here, but what WWE DVD would be complete without one?

The matches are tremendous. I've only watched about a half-dozen thus far, though I had seen some of the other ones quite recently. The British Bulldogs vs. Hart Foundation match from MSG is one that still stands up to this day for tag teams to aspire too. Same with Ricky Steamboat vs. a young Bret -- these two told an amazing story in there. I remembered fondly some of the others, such as Bret's two legendary Mr. Perfect matches, and of course the Davey Boy Smith match at Wembley Stadium. There's also the submission match with Steve Austin, which was groundbreaking stuff at the time. I would have liked to see some guest commentaries on these, given how Bret is so proud of his matches, but I realize that's asking a lot.

The "other" bonuses were kind of ehhh -- Bret crying as he realizes how many dozens of his old friends are dead, that kind of thing, but you're really buying this for the matches, and all of them (from what I've seen so far or remember) are just fantastic.

It's not my favorite WWE DVD (offhand, the ECW, Hogan, Flair, Foley and Road Warriors ones probably outrank this), but it's definitely worth tracking down. If only to lend me your copy when you're finished with it....

[1] Day Until "Eight Is Enough"

[2] Days Until "Eight Is Enough"

EXCLUSIVE BREAKING CINZIA HART NEWS!!!

Okay, no I don't have any Cinzia Hart news. I was just checking the ol' stats this morning and noticed that some SIX HUNDRED queries for Mrs. Bret Hart have led people to this blog. And YES, I realize that by acknowledging it, it just brings even more queries.

So whatever. Come for the Cinzia, stay for the Bulldog, I always say.

Oh, and just in case Google is looking at this:

Cinzia Hart, Bret Hart's wife, Cinzia Hart photos, Cinzia Hart news, Bret and Cinzia Hart, Bret and Cinzia Hart marriage, EXCLUSIVE Bret and Cinzia Hart wedding photos, Bret Hart and Cinzia Hart DIVORCED? Who will get custody of the children of Bret Hart and Cinzia Hart's children? Read the Bret and Cinzia Hart divorce filing right here!!!

Yeah, that oughta help.

[3] Days Until "Eight Is Enough"

[4] Days Until "Eight Is Enough"

[5] Days Until "Eight Is Enough"

[6] Days Until "Eight Is Enough"

Latest ITR

10 Simple Rules

Nothing would be better for wrestling fans than if TNA caught fire and became a legitimate competitor to WWE. But how do they accomplish that? How do you go from 0.8 ratings in a Late Night Ghetto to being a Prime Time Threat to Vince McMahon? Well, the Canadian Bulldog has pondered that issue, and has some advice for Jeff Jarrett and his cronies down in Orlando. Conveniently enough, the advice can be distilled down to just 10 simple rules. And as if that's not already MORE than enough Incisive Wrestling Analysis for one week, Bulldog also throws in -- free of charge -- the net's first preview of this weekend's WWE PPV and a whole lot of other exclusive gOOdness. Check it out in the latest installment of Inside the Ropes.

[7] Days Until "Eight Is Enough"

[8] Days Until "Eight Is Enough"

Ugh

I've probably mentioned this here before, but Valentine's Day is probably my least favorite day of the year.

I guess things were a little different when I was married -- the whole day kind of was IMPORTANT then, and made sense-- but now that I'm not a part of it anymore, and don't have anyone in my life, per se, you really feel how much the whole day makes you feel like a complete loser.

Ugh....

Latest TWS

The True Wrestling Story of Andre The Giant

Arrested Development OVERLOAD

So I just got home maybe an hour and a half ago and sat through all four final Arrested Development episodes. The final episode was BRILLIANT, wrapping everything so nicely that reluctantly, I can say I'm pretty happy with the way everything turned out. And, damn, it really DOES sound like this it.

I don't know, I'm going to have to watch it all again to take everything in. Too funny!

Latest DVD Review

Even five full years after it went out of business, ECW's legacy lives on, including in the realm of Home Video. But fans' choices aren't limited to current WWE DVD releases. As the Canadian Bulldog discovered, there are a LOT of other ECW videos out there to enjoy, too.

ECW on DVD Review

Programming Notes

There will NOT be an Inside The Ropes this Thursday. It had nothing to do with an absence of good material (hell, the Vince-tanning salon thing would probably be worth three or four pages on its own) -- I just didn't have enough time to get it done.

That said, check out what will hopefully be out on OO Thursday night in its place -- not necessarily funny shit, but should make for a nice read. And then.... I have some great ideas for ITR already the next two weeks out! Not to mention a very special "True Wrestling Story" for next week.

WWE 24/7 Notes

I can't believe I haven't seen this tidbit mentioned elsewhere.... February is "Midget Mania" month on WWE 24/7, and what DVD are they showing? Hard Knocks, the Chris Benoit story. Either that was a really odd coincidence or someone in programming there has a great sense of humor. Not sure.

I was watching the weekly ECW program last night, and noticed Matt Bourne as Bourne Again. Wow, was this a great gimmick! No, seriously, it was. He was wearing the Doink outfit with about half his facepaint on, doing a dead-on Rowdy Roddy Piper impersonation. He came across as someone you'd see on the street talking to himself and yelling at passersby. Just a really, really, creepy gimmick for the former Doink. Anyways, he had a match with 2 Cold Scorpio which resulted in a disqualification when Mr. Hughes interfered. I have no idea where this whole angle went, if anywhere. Some solid promos by Public Enemy as well, who had just lost the tag team titles to Cactus Jack and Mikey Whipwreck.

Also caught some of SuperBrawl III (Sting vs. Vader in a White Castle Hamburger Of Fear match and the WCW return of Ric Flair). Not a bad show, though some of the early matches dragged on forever. Speaking of Scorpio and Benoit, the two of them put on a helluva match, which ended literally one second before the time limit draw (I'm sure Gary Michael Capetta counting down the remaining seconds over the PA helped them work out the timing, though). Steve Austin and Brian Pillan as The Hollywood Blonds = gold. Too bad they had to work with Erik Watts (who was getting John Cena-like jeers) and - heh heh - Marcus Alexander Bagwell. Also, I was amazed that they kept Jesse Ventura's commentary on the entire show, given how often they edit him out their DVD's. It was HILARIOUS hearing him tear Tony a new Schiavone.

Back to the gym

As I'm sure zillions of people do each year, I made the new year's resolution in January to join a gym and stick with it. A month into the experiment, I'm very glad I did.

Some brief backstory: I belonged to a gym up until about a year and a half, two years ago, when I moved north of the city. I started off strong last time, but - you know how it is - by the second or third month, I was down to one or two visits a week. While I'm definitely not the "athletic" type, I wouldn't consider myself horribly obese or anything (much like the probably-true stereotype of 90 % of IWC columnists). Yes, I've got a pizza-and-beer belly that needs to be trimmed down, but really, if I could even drop by one pant size, I wouldn't have too much to complain about.

So I rejoined in January but with a twist: I am FORCING myself to go at least four days a week, even if it's a quickie 45-minute workout or whatever. For me, this means waking up at 5:30, a brief 10 minute walk to the bus station (made a bit lengthier on snowy days like day) catching the first bus out of Thornhill at promptly 6:10, taking the bus to the subway station, going a few stops to where my gym is at, working out, and then leaving by 8 to catch the subway downtown to my work. It sounds like a lot of effort just to squeeze this in (and some mornings it has been), but this is now the fifth week that I've kept to the schedule.

While I'm not packing on the muscles or anything, I feel a LOT better these days. I have more energy throughout the day, and I'm not nearly as exhausted as I used to be on the weekends. I've also lost five pounds already (which isn't bad considering I haven't changed my admittedly-horrible diet in the least), so there's been tons of upside.

Anyways, just thought I'd share....

Interesting feedback on the "cartoon" column

This was from a longtime ITR reader who practically begged for anonymity (thanks, Bryan!). He made the following "wrestler/fictional character" comparison:

Canadian Bulldog v. Road Warrior Animal

Common characteristics: Amazing and unstoppable at beginning of career in the eyes of many (including this reader) but some fans took a little time to turn on to the originality, took a gimmick a bit too far, only has a job because of who he "knows" in the front office

Oh Bulldog how I have enjoyed your articles. The subtle yet poignant humor that was created. From the very first time you took Ric Flair's trademark "Whoo"
and turned it into "Whew," I was hooked. Simple and effective, just like The Road Warriors. Animal and Hawk went up against the small pretty boy tag teams, no-sold most offense and beat the holy heck out of them. Simple, effective and so far ahead of their times that a minority of fans saw their presence as a detriment: Online Onslaught in Bulldogs case and wrestling in Animal's case. The numbers of these
dissenters dwindled as time went on.

Throughout their respective careers ITR and The Road Warriors stayed dominant. Even though it was the same shtick every time (getting wrestlers names wrong or
using the exact same power moveset every freakin' match) it always seemed to stay fresh. There was even a revitalization late in the careers of both from
surprising inspirations (Sunny for Road Warrior Animal and Ted L. Nancy for Canadian Bulldog).

However, there came a time when both took a gimmick too far. Animal's LOD gimmick should have died with Hawk, but apparently that couldn't be so. If Animal
was going to be a part of an organization run by his brother, then LOD needed to live as well.

Bulldog's relationship with Rick Scaia . . . well let's just say that we can blame Bulldog's attempt at the overused gimmick of "compare wrestlers to ________" on Mr. Scaia just as much as we can blame it on Bulldog. This shoddy attempt to continue the tradition is weak in many ways. The comparison to cartoon characters (something your average wrestling fan knows quite a bit about) isn't as intriguing as
Japanese challenge foods or Olympic skaters (both of which probably fall outside of a wrestling fans Venn Diagram of tv watching habits). Even some comparisons
themselves were tenuous (Kurt Angle and Elmer Fudd? C'mon! Off the top of my head, Kurt Angle and Storm Shadow: both have shiny heads, can easily side with
good or evil, and can beat just about anyone in under three minutes - unless they are retarded in Angle's case or mute for Storm Shadow).

Hopefully the parallels end here. It seems like any attempts for Road Warrior Animal to continue on in his wrestling career will only lead to further sullying of
the legend of The Road warriors/Legion of Doom. Thank you Johnny Ace! Bulldog's future doesn't look as bleak. As long as his management doesn't hamper him
with more silly overused gimmicks he should be able to rebound and perhaps dominate the Internet Wrestling Community again.

Do I think Bulldog will rebound and continue his grand legacy? BANK ON IT!!!


Also, like Animal, I also have the whole mohawk/facepaint thing going on....

All I'll say is this: I wouldn't blame my attempt at the column on anyone but myself. The Rick gives me (and the other OO writers) complete creative control with our stuff (though I did have to drop the strap once in Montreal) and never suggests or tells us what to write about. So it was completely my own idea to continue on the rich "comparison" column legacy....

Latest ITR

Excellent.

It's an Online Onslaught tradition: take a few wrestlers, and then compare them to something else (bands, cocktails, gymnasts, you name it, we've done it). Well, it's time for another installment in the series. Canadian Bulldog couldn't help but notice that some of wrestling's best-known personalities bear striking similarities to popular cartoon characters. And it starts at the top, where tyrannical evil geniuses hold a monopoly over their industry and show little to no interest in taking care of their customers or employees. Mr. Burns' wrestling equivalent -- and comparisons between 8 other wrestler/cartoons -- are just one click away in Canadian Bulldog's excellent new Inside the Ropes.

Lord Of The Rings

Is anyone who reads this planning to see the upcoming Lord of the Rings theatrical thingie here in Toronto? If so, please drop me a line at canadian_bulldog@hotmail.com.

Don't worry; I'm not trying to get tickets or anything. This strictly for research purposes.....

Mr. Show - Seasons 1 and 2 DVD

Wow.

This was just one of those programs that, because I believe it was never available here in Canada, I never knew how innovative it was. But as a huge fan of David Cross' work on Arrested Development, I bought the first two seasons of Mr. Show on DVD just to see what it's all about.

Some very high-quality sketch comedy here, for those of you who've never heard of it before. It's like Saturday Night Live on steroids. There are at least two or three parts each episode that force me to laugh out loud. Just some tremendous., tremendous stuff here, and I'd definitely encourage you all to check it out.