Snarky comments from the columnist behind Inside The Ropes, True Wrestling Stories, Breaking News and Wrestling With Literature.
Monday, May 31, 2004
Saturday, May 29, 2004
So I just signed me up for Google's G-Mail service, after hearing all the hype. Not sure if I'll switch it to being my primary email addy or not. Anyone having experiences (good or bad) with it yet? Just curious... anyways, my new alternate e-mail address is email@example.com
Always the home of exclusive news and incisive analysis, ItR brings it with a special House Show Update and a response to reader-requested Top 5 Lists! And don't let Canadian Bulldog's talk of Mad Cow Disease fool you: any guy who starts a wrestling column THAT way is cool!
ITR (Online Onslaught)
ITR (The W)
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Borrowing The Rick's well-written introduction on OO, which I think I might do from now on....
You think you know wrestling? Guess again. No matter how hard you've studied, you only know part of the story. And the Canadian Bulldog is here to fill you in on the rest, by telling you the complete tale of wrestling's most influential family: the McMahons.
Inside The Ropes (online onslaught)
Inside The Ropes (the-w.com)
Sunday, May 16, 2004
Worst.. PPV.... Ever
I kept saying to myself, I'm not going to watch this. Yet at the last minute, I did. My gut instinct was right; I should have listened to it.
In fact, the only thing redeemingly quality of the entire show was the entertaining antics and signs of ITR regular and Hollywood stand-out Stuart Stone (you may have seen his signs such as "Schmoz", "Stu Fears CRZ", "Booker Shango", "SWA", "DUD" and "*****"). That was about it.
For at least the second time in his WWE career, Booker T got seriously shafted by jobbing cleanly to The Undertaker. What was the point in losing to someone who will be making "rare" appearances? I will say the main event was better than I expected, though not much. I understand the finish of that one, yet it wasn't the 'send people home happy' decision you'd think would make sense. The rest of it was 3 hours of pure crap.
Worst... PPV... Ever.
Friday, May 14, 2004
Preach on, Brother Seaver!
The Way of the Master, with your special host, the Reverend Kirk Cameron.
A must-read book; a must-miss movie
Totally different books and movies, mind you; just thought I'd kill two birds with one stone and review two things I've recently read/watched.
The Last Juror by John Grisham is incredible. It's the story of a small-town newspaper editor in the 1970's who follows an important murder trial and the fallout from that trial over the next decade. I related very well to it because of my experience starting out in the community newspaper world, but even for someone without the experience, its an easy read with a great pace.
A lot of Grisham's characters from earlier books, such as Lucien Wilbanks (A Time To Kill) and Harry Rex Vonner (The Summons, A Time To Kill) reappear in the story about 15-20 years younger than in previous stories. It even has the perfect ending, something I felt has been lacking in some of Grisham's other books. Highly-recommended read, even if you end up waiting until it comes out on paperback.
The film Envy, on the other hand, has to be one of the worst films I've ever seen. And this is coming from someone who has seen Ready To Rumble. Twice.
The premise is simple enough. Two best friends and neighbors (Ben Stiller and Jack Black) are divided when one invents the world's most popular household item, a spray can that removes dog crap. Along the way, however, they forgot several key items, such as a plot, script, jokes and logic.
I swear that we thought Stiller and Black were making the script up as they went along. Absolutely NOTHING was remotely funny. The appearance of Christopher Walken can only indicate to me he owes money to the IRS, because someone of his talent couldn't even save this stinker, given the awful role he was given.
Oh, and every 10 minutes or so, this Randy Newman-esque song starts playing, which adds absolutely nothing to the picture.
If that wasn't enough, the movie dragged on for almost two hours, prompting me to yell "SHUT UP!" on more than one occasion. Then, Stiller decided to recount the entire movie, almost word for word, at the ending. You'd think someone would have edited that extra 10 minutes out, because anyone watching this would have already seen exactly what he was describing.
Bleah - what an awful waste of film. I expected more, given the lead actors who are usually able to give me a few belly laughs.
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Monday, May 10, 2004
One Angry Man
Soooo.... I just finished my first day of jury duty selection today. What a SCREWED UP process!
I have to drive like 45 minutes out of town because I'm now officially outside of Toronto. Arrive at 8:30, and we're told the selection part of it could take up to 3 days. I wasn't thrilled about that, but I'd heard about it ahead of time, at least. This comes into play later.
The thing doesn't get underway until almost 9:30, where about 150-200 of us are crammed into a hot, sweaty courthouse. I'd brought a book with me (ironically, John Grisham's The Last Juror) to pass the time, but I quickly found out we couldn't read in there. Argh!
We watch a video that was made in, I'm going to say, 1982, showing us the benefits of "doing our civic duty" and explaining the process by having people in leisure suits tell us that it was a good thing we were doing. I swear, I almost expected Troy McClure to make a cameo at one point; it was THAT dated. "You may remember me from such government films as Jury Duty: A Forced Privelege...."
Then, we're dismissed for 10 minutes and have to reassemble again once the first trial is set up. For all the time it took us to exit the room, we might as well have sit still. The judge gives us about 1,000 reasons for people to be excused (sadly, I didn't offer myself for any of them) and he excused each and every person who took him up on the offer.
After that, the court draws names from a drum and both lawyers can choose to accept us on the jury, or if one of them challenges a juror, we're excused. If you've ever read any Grisham, this is all old hat to you.
The first batch of 20 are drawn at random and the lawyers plow through most of them. Another 20, and they just have enough people for the 12-person jury. It's funny, because I'm starting to guess who which lawyer will challenge, and I was usually right.
When it's all over, I breathe a sigh of relief. Then they chose the alternates (D'oh!) So you can guess how this turns out; I'm one of the six chosen to be examined as one of two alternates. Fortunately, JUST as they're about to get to me, they've chosen their do, and that's lunch, people.
An hour later, a new judge takes the podium and suddenly, EVERYONE is coming up with an excuse to be disqualified. Some of them legit, some of them not. The second judge is fair, although she does refuse a few requests. There must have been 20 or 30, weird considering only a few people challenged last time around, and this was the EXACT SAME jury pool!
This trial will last about a week, we're told. I cross my fingers and hope they don't pick me. I mean, what would be the odds of... D'OH!!! Selected again! I get up to the front of the courtroom, and this time they actually interview me. I figured all along once I told them I was a reporter, I'd be a undesirable juror (well, between that and my physical appearance).
I was right (on both counts). Though, surprisingly, it was the prosecution, not the defense, that challenged me. I was figuring it would be the other way around. Weird...
So, safe in the knowledge that I'd gone through the whole damn thing twice, the judge decides to call it a day. That was pretty painless, I'm thinking.
Then the bailiff announces that we have to come back NEXT MONDAY. AND THE MONDAY AFTER THAT! FUCK!!! That's what they meant by three days -- it just wasn't three consecutive days!
I understand the process and all, but it was a very frustrating day. Can't believe I have to go back again (at least) twice....
Saturday, May 08, 2004
Dusty Finish at Blue Jays game?
Yes, it's true (well, kind of). In front of a capacity crowd of maybe 750 people at SkyDome, the Blue Jays were tied at 2. Pretty boring game, though no different that the other four I've seen in person this season.
Then in the top of the ninth, Josh Phelps smacks out a two-run homer that looks like it might have gone foul.Still, the fireworks go off, the players run the bases and the crowd erupts (well, as much as a few dozen fans could). The score is 4-2 now.
THEN... the umpire overtuns the decision, insisting that the ball was in foul territory. AFTER the runs had gone up on the scoreboard. The crowd is none too pleased with the decision. Has to be the first time I've seen that, so late in the play at least.
And THEN.... Phelps ends up nailing an even better homer, and the score is once again 4-2. The Jays win a game! The Jays win a game! The Jays win a game!
Four wins in a row... this MUST mean we're headed for the pennant!!!
Friday, May 07, 2004
Now THIS cheered me up....
Who better than Wrestlecrap's R.D. Reynolds to give me the best laugh I've had in a while?
In his recap of The Jesse Ventura Story, R.D. nails it perfectly. It truly is one of the worst stories to ever be filmed, wrestling or otherwise.
Although I was present when part of it was being filmed (before a WCW Nitro taping in, I think, 1999), I had never seen the movie until my brother bought it for me on DVD a few years later. I DEFINITELY encourage anyone with a sense of humor to spend the five bucks and buy it, just to see what I've been (and now R.D. is) talking about.
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Least likely wrestling biography EVER!!!
Came across this gem tonight, and I can't help but think that there must be, oh, at least 500 wrestlers (still active) that would have a more compelling story to tell.
I mean, what's next? The thrilling life story of Ted Arcidi? J.W. Storm: The Inside Story? The Young Stallions: Exist 2 Inspire?
(A) Thank you to EVERYONE who has sent me e-mails, message, flowers (okay, no flowers yet), etc. with well wishes, jokes, good tidings and the like. I can't tell you how much they mean to me during this time. Seriously. Thank you all.
(B) On a very related note, I will probably not be doing any writing, at least ITR-related stuff, for the next little while. I just can't, I'm not feeling very funny right now, if that makes any sense. Hopefully, that will all change soon. An unfunny Bulldog is not a normal Bulldog, to say the least.
(C) Flood update: So for what I thought was going to be a minor inconvenience is now a MAJOR house problem that will rack up tens of thousands in damages (Thankfully, I chose water damage coverage in my insurance package, so the bulk will be paid for). We're talking at least 80 % of the carpets will have to be replaced, most of the baseboards, one wall in the basement, my kitchen floors and a whole lot of ceiling. Damn! And this will take roughly three weeks to do. They began work today, and because the floodwater seeped into the floors, we'll have these HUGE humidifier-type objects on every level of the house, operating at full volume, for 20 hours/day, for at least five days.
You know what -- maybe you folks could keep the well wishes coming after all :)
Monday, May 03, 2004
So just when I thought things couldn't get any worse in my life....
Arrive home at about 8 p.m. with my son (wife isn't home yet). Hear this LOUD dripping sound as I'm opening the door. You guessed it -- major flood in progress!
Takes me about ten minutes to determine that there's a leaking toilet on the uppermost floor, and that the water has seeped down all the way to the basement. Rugs on three different floors completely ruined.
So I settle my son down to sleep (it's 11:00 now, though, and he's still wide awake). I've had a contractor out to survey the damage, and the rugs alone are going to cost more than a grand to repair (I used to be in the carpet-cleaning business years ago, so I know the guy's probably not 100 % on the level, but still.....).
For those of you who know me well, you know this is the very LAST THING I need right now.
Fuck fuck fuck. FUCK!!!