Snarky comments from the columnist behind Inside The Ropes, True Wrestling Stories, Breaking News and Wrestling With Literature.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Royal Rumble Thoughts
The Rumble is always my favorite event of the year, and this year's didn't disappoint. Sure, there were some clunkers (Batista/Kennedy and Lashley/Test), but Cena vs. Umaga was another solid outing and the Rumble match held my interest pretty much throughout. Of course, I had predicted (can't remember where, but trust me) that the final four would be Undertaker, Shawn Michaels and Rated RKO, with Taker winning the whole thing -- hardly a bold call, mind you.
One thing I'd like to see return to the Rumble next year is the "surprise entrant". Surely they could have dug up Honky Tonk Man or Hillbilly Jim or even one of the dozen legends they have on staff to make a quick 90-second appearance, no? But really, I have no complaints with the way this year's panned out.
Although I'd already predicted the Mania card a while ago, guess it's time to do some revisions (and in fairness, the main guy is out injured now). So here goes:
-- Undertaker vs. Batista
-- John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels
-- Lashley vs. Rob Van Dam (and yes, I realize that's THREE face vs face matchups)
-- Edge vs. Randy Orton
-- Money In The Bank: Hardy Boyz vs. MNM vs. World's Greatest Tag Team vs. London and Kendrick
-- Chris Benoit vs. Mr. Kennedy
-- Mickie James vs. Melina
-- Donald Trump/Vince McMahon crapfest
Looking at this way, it's certainly not as appealing as the show just a month or so ago.
Labels: Rasslin' Thoughts
Friday, January 26, 2007
Film Review - "Smokin' Aces"
For some reason, I've been anticipating this one for a few weeks, and it delivered almost exactly as advertised. Lots of rapid-fire violence, a long line-up of crazy characters, a great soundtrack and some SHOCKING SWERVES~!
Everyone from Ben Affleck to Jeremy Piven played their roles in a kind of understated way, which worked really well. It made the over-the-top killer types all that much more loony. I could actually see separate films for a few of these characters; they were that solid.
Was the ending predictable? A little, yeah. And this is a ripoff of every Tarantino/Richie film ever made? Sure. But as far as this genre goes, this was just perfect entertainment.
One item of note: As the movie begins, a father and his young (think maybe 10 years old) sit in my row. Then, during the main shootout scene (of which there are many), the father hurries his kid out of the theater. Dude, what were you expecting? TOTALLY not for children. But awesome nonetheless....
Thursday, January 25, 2007
The Office line of the night (Contains spoilers, if you haven't seen Season 3. This means YOU, rk.)
Michael: "What... is this a game to you people?"
Phyllis: "Well, there IS a ball."
Couldn't believe my luck -- not one, not two but THREE episodes of The Office last night that I had never seen (various ones from Season Three, first on Global Television, and then on NBC). Awesome, awesome, awesome, even IF I haven't been able to enjoy season 3 in chronological order.
So many great things there, between a dead bird, the proposed statue/robot, the aforementioned grief session ("That's Weekend At Bernie's!"), Dwight's botched power play, his cousin Mose, and of course pretzel day (these were in three different episodes, mind you). The only thing I wasn't crazy about was Jim's adventures in the Stamford office; I'm glad they aborted that story arc after a while. Plus, Pam needs Jim. Simple as that.
Please Mister Postman
This seems like an odd thing to complain about, but then again, I'm an odd guy.
Why the HELL have I not received any mail whatsoever for the last eight days straight (and no, I'm not including weekends in that)? It's not a problem in my building, because everyone else's mailboxes are always full.
It's not even that I'm expecting anything special, but how about a bill? A threatening letter? A late Christmas card? A nine-months-early birthday card? Junk mail? Anthrax?
I'm just... baffled by this trend. I may have to start putting myself on dumb mailing lists soon, just to see what happens.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Latest ITR (two days early!)
It's Gonna be YOOOGE!
The Royal Rumble is still five days away, and yet, one can't help but feel that Itch. The one that reminds us that it's the time of year when WWE tries Extra Hard to stop sucking so that the Road to WrestleMania is somewhat entertaining to watch. Luckily for us, our Intrepid Temporal Investigator, the Canadian Bulldog, has busted out his truty DeLorean and 1.21 gigawatts of journalistic integrity to help us scratch that Itch. That's right: Bulldog has traveled into the Future, and is back with the Full Results of this coming Sunday's Rumble! Anyone who believed reports that Donald Trump is really just some wanker-in-disguise from ROH will find themselves sadly mistaken. The 2007 Rumble is gonna by YOOOOOGE, so read all about in Bulldog's latest Inside the Ropes.
Latest *Retro* Breaking News?
It's true, it's true, as somebody used to say (Vader?). Take a trip back to January 1993 and enjoy Hillbilly Jim To Dedicate Royal Rumble Win To Uncle Elmer.
I have a feeling this is going to be a retro kind of week....
Monday, January 22, 2007
Random Search Engine Terms That May Have Brought You To This Blog
Well, I haven't done this for a little while, so why not?
"Is ben stiller a bulldog fan?" If there's any justice, then yes.
"Cinzia Hart bret hart remarried" For the last time, I have NO information on the marital statuses of Mr. & Mrs. Hart. I don't know HOW my blog became the search engine of choice for this. Possibly because I keep mentioning it, over and over and over again. Heh...
"a wreck in a dallas bagel shop" Um, what?
"randy orton's penis" OH NO YOU DITN'T!
"cinzia hart " Sigh....
"rocky balboa bootleg dvd" Okay, this one I can at least understand. I saw Rocky and bought some bootleg DVD's all in the same day (Christmas).
"cerealicious" Wow, I mentioned this place ONE TIME, a year ago, and there are some 300 hits under that term alone. Crazy.
"Bret Hart divorce" Poor Cinzia. I knew it wouldn't last...
Friday, January 19, 2007
R.I.P. Bam Bam Bigelow
Wow, that's some fairly sad news for a Friday afternoon....
Bam Bam was never one of my favorite wrestlers, per se, but there's no questioning the impact he had on the business. I remember him first coming into the WWF in the mid-1980's, as really, one of the first high-flying big guys we'd ever seen. Between the "finding a manager" gimmick and teaming up with Hulk Hogan on the house show circuit, it was evident that they wanted to push him early on. I remember genuinely being surprised that he didn't fare better in the WrestleMania IV title tournament, but then he would have had to face Randy Savage, which wouldn't have made political sense at the time.
He went to the NWA after that, and although it wasn't a lengthy stay, I do recall him getting set for a program with Ric Flair, which at the time was reserved for top talent only. It's too bad he didn't get a better push with that company after his initial launch, though.
His second WWF run was even more interesting, in that he actually main-evented a WrestleMania vis-a-vis his match with Lawrence Taylor. I remember the match being better than I thought it had any right being; a lot of that was Bam Bam carrying LT to a decent encounter.
From there, he had interesting stays in both WCW and ECW as an upper mid-card heel, and one of the few guys I can say consistently put on decent matches, no matter where he was on the card, or which company he was with. And who can forget him dropping Tazz through the ring in ECW, and the reaction from the fans?
I honestly saw Bam Bam as someone who would come back at one point (if not in WWE, than in TNA). Sure, he had "retired", but that hasn't stopped tons of other retired wrestlers from reappearing over the years. He wasn't "past his prime" in the wrestling sense, and certainly wasn't someone who wore out his welcome. He'll be missed.
Rest in peace, Bam Bam.
Labels: Rasslin' Thoughts
Thursday, January 18, 2007
The Office Line Of The Night
"You're not defined by your gayness. You're defined by your Mexican-ness."
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Screw being a Marine in a shitty movie! According to Secret Plans unearthed by Intrepid Investigator, the Canadian Bulldog, John Cena is being tapped for a new mission. One that utilizes a formula that doesn't, you know, totally suck balls. One that plays to his strengths as a borderline- implausible Superman. One that will place him as a high ranking agent in a secret agency known only as "VTU." One that happens in Real Time. Curious? Well, then check Bulldog's latest, where he has all the details (plus 7 other proposed new WWE spin-off TV shows, too). The following column takes place Inside the Ropes.
Monday, January 15, 2007
24 is another show I'd never seen until recently, but on the advice of my brother, I watched all four hours of the season premiere, just to see if I had been really missing anything.
The bottom line? It seems like an interesting program, but only if you invest a lot of time into it. I'm not saying I won't eventually go back and start watching from the first season, but it's certainly not a priority. I'm not a huge fan of dramatic television to begin with, and this just seems like too much effort to get to know all the characters, their backgrounds, etc.
That said, I DO want to see where they're going with the current story arc...
I Don't Like Mondays
My typical Monday routine: I wake up at about 5:40 a.m. and head down to the gym for a bit before work. Because my apartment building is connected directly underground to the gym, I don't have to bring with my jacket, my wallet, anything. Just a towel, my water bottle, MP3 player and my keys.
Return back to the apartment at roughly 6:45 and go to turn the lock to my apartment door; it won't open. Now, it's done that once or twice in the past month, so I usually spray some WD-40 on it and all is well. Hell, even by jiggling the keys a little, I can at least get the door open. Not this time. Also, the key is STUCK in the door.
After trying to dislodge it for about five minutes, I contact the security guard in my building. She comes upstairs to my floor, says there's not much she can do other than opening up the door with the universal key (she had thought I told her I locked myself out, which isn't exactly the case), but with my key jammed in there, that won't work. She does contact a maintenance worker, who sprays someone WD-40 in the lock (see?) but still can't help. The next step, they say, is to wait for the property manager to arrive. It's now 7:30, and I'm officially going to be late for work.
The property manager comes in, looks at my lock and assesses that the door won't open. THANKS! His suggestion is to wait for the building locksmith to come by, though that won't be for another HOUR. "Sometimes, they have to go next door and climb over from the other balcony to get into your apartment," he adds. Awesome.
By 9:30, the locksmith guy is here and with a bit of effort, he's able to open the thing up. It turns out the lock is busted, and it chose one hell of an opportune time to shut down on me. But at least I got in so I could have access to my wallet, phone, work clothes, a shower, etc. And I only arrived to work two and half hours later than normal!
TGIF! Oh, wait, it's only Monday..... Crap.
Friday, January 12, 2007
The Office line of the night
(Ahh, what the hell - now that AD is no longer on the air, and The Simpsons have been sucking lately....)
Michael Scott: "Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three."
Thursday, January 11, 2007
I don't get into my non-Bulldog life here often (in fact, I don't think I ever have), but I thought I would break "kayfabe" today just because this was such an awful day for me.
My day actually started last night (in a way) when I received a phone call from one of my sources. Now, I'm not talking about Woodward and Bernstein-type sources or anything, but once in a while, maintaining good contacts pays off. They told me, essentially, to be at my desk the next morning ready to write a big story. So I got to work an extra hour early today (6 a.m.) ready for the news.
Well, it doesn't hit until 8:30 but the extra time was good for preparation. The story was complex enough and interesting enough that I actually needed the extra time to prep, and kept me busy until roughly 2 p.m. Because of the way my company works, I was constantly being interrupted by various higher-ups telling me how to write this particular story, and many of their comments were contradicting each other! Although I'm used to it by now, it's quite frustrating.
After a quick lunch (and I'm talking 10 minutes, tops), I had an appointment/interview to do and that kept me busy till about 4. I get back to the office, and check my voicemails. One of them sounds too odd to be true. It was somebody whose voice I didn't recognize, warning me that "big news" would be hitting later that afternoon and that more instructions would follow. Now, unless I know the person (such as my contact from last night), and given that this person didn't even leave me their NAME, it's hard for me to take it seriously. Honestly, I was joking about the call to a colleague and was starting to get ready to go when the news hit at 4:30. And, on my beat, the news doesn't get too much bigger than this. I froze for a good minute in front of my screen with only one thought: SHIT!
Now, on top of all this, my direct supervisor has been in the States all week, and he had JUST left for his flight home when this news hit. Sometimes, I can appeal to him (and given the day I've already had, I think I'd make a good argument) but without him around, it's tough to get the story reassigned.
So I didn't leave the office until roughly 6:30, a good 12.5 hours after I arrived. Exhausted, I headed home on the subway where some random person (and I'm not making this up) walks right up to me and flips me the bird! I'm not sure what exactly I did to warrant that... it was beyond strange. I was at a loss for words. What do you when someone gives you the finger for no apparent reason?
I am exhausted, starving and cranky and only one thing lifts my spirits. I'd been given a DVD the other day of my son's school holiday performance (I wasn't there for it, unfortunately) and hadn't yet had a chance to watch it. Well, once I popped the DVD in and watched him perform... any anger/frustration I had, it completely lifted. I'm still completely exhausted, but at least I'm in a much better mood now.
What a day.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
The red headed stepchild of the wrestling industry, TNA, is slowly gaining credibility in the eyes of fans. Well, SOME fans. The Canadian Bulldog is resolute that this bush league operation is... well, Bush League. And it's gotten him in trouble with some of his loyal readers, who also happen to be clueless wads who think that this BJ Styles character is, like, talented or something. So this week, in the interest of equal time, Bulldog has turned over part of his column to his Apprentice (and noted Billy Gunn Fetishist), Johnny ITR. Get Johnny's explanation of why TNA is good, along with all of Bulldog's other usual EXCLUSIVE newsbites, in a new Inside the Ropes.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Guess who's back?
We have confirmation that returning to this week in Inside The Ropes is none other... than my trusty apprentice Johnny ITR! And you won't BELIEVE what he has to say this time! Unless, of course, you kind of know him.... but... uh... STAY TUNED!!!
Latest "Breaking News"
Virgil "A Lock" For 2007 WWE Hall Of Fame, Virgil Says
In other news.... this is the SEVEN HUNDREDTH POST on this here blog. WOW!!!
Sunday, January 07, 2007
"You'll love it. It's the same time of humor as Arrested Development."
That's what my brother told me about The Office (the U.S. version) a good six months ago, and I didn't listen. Finally, over the holidays, a friend gave me the Season 2 DVD and I've become hooked. This past weekend, I bought the first season and have rushed through all six episodes there, too.
While the humor isn't AS clever as Arrested Development, you've got to like the characters, some of which who get more bizarre each episode. And the payoffs (at least through the end of Season 2) are fantastic. Plus some of the daily minutia reminds me of my own office, which makes it even more relatable (before you ask, I'm not Dwight. I'm probably a much, much, less cool version of Jim. Okay, maybe a white Stanley.)
My question: Anybody know when they might start re-running from the starting of season three? I imagine its still not for a while now, but I don't particularly want to start more than halfway through the season; I'd rather wait a few months if that's what it takes....
Saturday, January 06, 2007
A Year of Changes
Did you hear: Kurt Angle was abused by WWE and Vince McMahon, never given time off to get healthy, and was constantly booked to look awful in the ring? Or at least, that's Kurt's story, and he's sticking to it! And he's sticking to it while working for one-quarter of his old fanbase in TNA. I doubt anybody would have predicted that happening a year ago... Perhaps a bit less shocking is the fact that WWE managed to completely bungle the return of ECW, to the point that Paul Heyman has left the company. The Canadian Bulldog has his EXCLUSIVE~! (and yes, Fully Illustrated) take on Angle's horrible mistreatment, ECW's demise, and the rest of the big stories from the second half of 2006 in Part Two of the Inside the Ropes Year in Review.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Latest "Breaking News"
Monday, January 01, 2007
Happy New Year
2006 is over. So OK, let's linger on 2006 just for a bit, and maybe start some Year in Review gOOdness? We'll start with Canadian Bulldog's EXCLUSIVE~! (and fully illustrated) take on 2006, which was CLEARLY the Year of Eddie Guerrero. The first six months of Bulldog's retrospective can be found in his very latest Inside the Ropes.