Snarky comments from the columnist behind Inside The Ropes, True Wrestling Stories, Breaking News and Wrestling With Literature.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Royal Rumble Thoughts
I haven't scoured the net for reactions yet since I returned home last night from the PPV, but I have to assume that there was a mixed reaction for this one. Although I went an appaling 1-for-5 on my predictions, possibly my worst outing to date, the show still had some highlights.
Oh, and the compulsory movie theater story for the night: I'm out at the concession stands getting my monthly dose of junk food, when (former?) WWE Canada president Carl DeMarco struts in, shaking people's hands like he's some kind of a celebrity with his big WWE logo leather jacket on. This has to be the fifteenth time I've seen him at a theater since they've started airing WWE PPV's there. Can't the big guy afford PPV's? Maybe he just enjoys kicking little kids out of their seats (loooooong story).
6-Way Cruiserweight Match
Not bad, and London had awesome spots as usual. Not sure I understand the value in ripping the CW belt off of Kid Kash and giving it to someone who's on Raw (unless he jumps ship soon), but as far as the match went, it was fun.
Ashley vs. Mickie
Am I the only one who noticed Mickie's new music is eerily similar to the song "Mickey"? Not a great match, and certainly not the right decision. The Trish-Mickie thing is getting ready to jump the shark pretty soon, it's time to orchestrate the official turn already.
The Boogeyman vs. JBL
Here's the way I would have done this; you get JBL on the run for most of the match and then have him eke out a sneaky victory. Who, exactly, does that finish help? Boogeyman would have been completely safe losing here.
Well, I can't really complain here; the Rumble is almost always a fantastic match. Not that this counts for much, but AFTER I had sent in my PPV predix to OO, I switched to Rey winning the thing. Kind of figured out right from the start that both he and HHH were going to last the balance of the match, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I DID call the Eugene appearance (though Tatanka and Goldust were kind of lacking, given that we'd seen both of them in the last six months), and most of the match itself moved along at a nice pace. I AM surprised that Shawn Michaels wasn't in the first few names there. And yes, I'll complain along with (I'm sure) everyone else in that the Rumble match should never, EVER, go on halfway through the show. Still, Rey winning = right move. Now watch him lose his shot to Randy Orton at No Way Out...
Edge vs. John Cena
This was totally the wrong decision. Edge made the title picture interesting again, was able to show a side of himself that had never been there before, and ratings were actually increasing. So, uh, why the fuck would you have him drop the belt less than a month into his reign? I guess we'll see what happens next, but I can't imagine it will be particularly positive. Yes, Cena-HHH will be a decent WrestleMania main event, but HHH-Cena-Edge could have been even more compelling.
Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry
THIS shit is was went on last? The hell? I remember seeing Henry vs. Angle years and years ago as a throwaway match on Raw -- and it was probably more compelling THEN that it was last night. Gosh, I'm not a Henry hater or anything, but you just don't put this on at the end. Yes, I realize it was to setup the 56th big return of The Undertaker, but.... who cares? REALLY, WHO CARES? AAAAARGH! Though I loved hearing Tazz's "Holy Shit (Beep)!" comment, it wasn't a very good payoff to end the night, in my opinion.
So in conclusion, a very good Rumble, but the rest was kind of skippable...
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Back to the Future III
It happens every year at this time. A rip in the space/time continuum opens up, and Canadian Bulldog's patented Multidimensionalizedtransportationalism Device kicks into gear, allowing Bulldog to see the future. Specifically: to see the Royal Rumble days before it actually happens. The experience is so real and so vivid that Bulldog never feels like it's worth it to watch the actual Rumble on Sunday, but he can only assume that his future visions have a 100% accuracy rating. And it's looking like he'll be dead-on again in 2006, as the finish of the Rumble Match has Vince McMahon showing up to screw with things. Sounds plausible to me. Bulldog has the Rumble Precap in Inside the Ropes.
You had to know this was coming eventually....
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Great Royal Rumble Article
I'd encourage everyone to check out this excellent piece on the Royal Rumble by our good friend Dave Hillhouse over at Slam! Wrestling.
The Rumble match itself has traditionally been one of my favorites each year, and this takes a look back at some of the better (and worst) moments.
The Power of Cookie Crisp
So just now, I was hopelessly bummed out about something, when a friend offered me a bowl of her Cookie Crisp. My mood changed instantly.
Why the hell would Cookie Crisp do that? If you're reading this in the U.S., you probably won't understand, but it's one of those foods that has just never been available in Canada for whatever reason. After a decades-long embargo on certain American-based foods/snacks/treats, etc., virtually are available here these days (with the exceptions of Cookie Crisp, M&M Cookies and Mentadent toothpaste).
Why no export love for Cookie Crisp? I have no idea. Perhaps it upsets the balance of power between our two countries or something. I figure this will be the Tories' first official act when in power.
Anyways, ever since hearing about this imported box of cookie-shaped cereal, I have been thinking about it. Constantly. No joke, I even dreamt last week that I was the Cookie Crisp burglar. Yes, I am a goof -- but chances are pretty good that you know this already if you've been reading my stuff for any length of time.
But without this turning into an offshoot of something that appears on X-entertainment, let me just that I am happily munching away on Cookie Crisp cereal. And all is right again with the world...
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Think You Could Be The Next Joey Styles?
Well, maybe not... but the folks at Dangerous Women of Wrestling, who keep sending me press releases for some reason (probably because I keep posting them), have asked me to pass this along to the general public:
The Dangerous Women of Wrestling will hold open auditions for play by play announcer and color commentator for TV, DVD and PAY PER VIEW releases, Thursday February 2, 2006 from 5 – 7 pm. These positions are open to male and females. Applicants must
be 18 years of age or older. We are looking to fill these positions ASAP!
Bring your resume, headshot and demo (vhs or dvd), if available. You will be
asked to call a match and perform on camera announcements. We are looking for
outgoing and entertaining individuals. Experienced preferred, but not required.
Report to The New Alhambra Entertainment Complex (former ECW Arena) at 7 Ritner
(Swanson and Ritner) in South Philadelphia, PA (215) 755-0611 by 5 PM on
February 2, 2006. Auditions are on a first come, first serve basis. Email
reservations are being accepted at firstname.lastname@example.org
Monday, January 23, 2006
If you haven't heard right now, the networks are predicting a Conservative Party minority, though it was closer than a lot of people expected (I had picked the Tories at 120 seats in my office pool, and they're currently at 122, so I was pretty damn close).
How do I feel about this development? Better than I'd thought I would, at least right now. My political leanings are definitely closer to the Liberals, but I understand the voter backlash. At least with this structure, both parties are very well represented, with the Bloc and NDP evening things out quite nicely.
I have a lot of questions still about what Stephen Harper represents, but I think we have enough balance right now to see test it all out. If he's able to represent the majority of Canada better than his predecessor -- well, hey, there won't be too much to complain about, I suppose. A lot of it is wait and see.
I will say this much: I have been watching and/or covering federal elections since the early-90's, and this particular campaign was by far the most interesting.
Friday, January 20, 2006
THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
First, apologies for the delay. Initially, this was supposed to happen on Tuesday, and I understand there was something of a server glitch, which didn't get fixed until just now. The Bulldog Curse strikes again, I suppose.
And now, the announcement: Starting this week, I am writing a column for James Guttman's World Wrestling Insanity called "Canadian Bulldog's True Wrestling Stories." This is NOT Inside The Ropes, although I suspect there are similarities in the style of humor. Please let me know what you think, as I very excited about this new concept.
Am I ceasing to write Inside The Ropes on Online Onslaught? Not at all. I am very much committed to writing for both sites (at least until I have some sort of breakdown). I love being part of Team OO and having my work featured alongside such an incredibly talented group of writers (and Pyrofalkon).
At the same time, I have been blown away by the quality of James' site and I encourage you all to check The Insanity out if you haven't already. Between his always-hilarious "Raw Insanity" columns, Derek Burgan's brilliant articles, the audio interviews and commentary from Dr. Tom Pritchard, it's fast-becoming a must-see location for Internet wrestling fans. (Of course, we'll see if I can't scare some of them away…)
So there you have it. Please check out both "Inside The Ropes" and "Canadian Bulldog's True Wrestling Stories" from here on in. Will it be a fun ride in 2006? BANK ON IT!!!
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Bi. Lingual, That Is.
You know how it is with those filthy Canucks: a lot of them swing both ways. Speaking English *and* French, I mean. OO's Own Canadian Bulldog is no different, and is, as it turns out, every ounce as Bi as Orlando Jordan. [What do you mean, Orlando doesn't speak French? Then what the hell is up with all these rumors I'm hearing about him?] In any case, the Bilingual Bulldog is unveiling this new skill of his just in time to declare his candidacy for upcoming elections. That's right, Bulldog wants to be the next Governor of North Michigan! Er, rather: the next Prime Minister of Canada! Get caught up on Bulldog's platform AND some exclusive wrestling news in the very special Quebecois-placating, bilingual edition of Inside the Ropes.
Monday, January 16, 2006
A Big Announcement.....
UPDATE 1/19: It's still coming... I swear! Me and my big mouth...
UPDATE 1/18: I guess it WILL be a bit longer. Sorry, folks, a bit of a glitch, but I'm still optimistic I can talk about this fairly soon. Just in case RK decided to hold her breath or something.... :)
.... is coming to this very blog shortly. I can't spill the details yet, but needless to say, it's something I'm quite excited about.
Stay tuned. Shouldn't be that long before I can explain further...
Friday, January 13, 2006
A Little Parental Advice
OO is a trusted name in wrestling coverage and analysis. But what are our credentials when it comes to discussing child-rearing? Well, actually, we have none. But when the child-to-be-reared in question is the spawn of Triple H and Stephanie McMahon, that SORT OF falls under the realm of wrestling coverage, doesn't it? So with this week's announcement that the couple are due to become first-time parents, the Canadian Bulldog has some very helpful advice for Hunter and Steph. It's must-read material for any parents who want to make sure their children grow up knowing how to hold all the other kids down. Get Bulldog's advice, word on a new GM, and more in his very latest edition of Inside the Ropes.
Monday, January 09, 2006
New Year's "Rezzho-lution" Thoughts
Even though I don't know the product at all, nor do I live anywhere remotely near the show, I thought I'd give a plug to the Dangerous Women of Wrestling, just because their Feb. 2 event is booked so darn creatively. Also, they sent me a press release. Here's how the big night is shaping up from Philly:
-The Most Dsyfunctional Women’s World Title Match Ever
The Blue Meanie (former E.C.W. / W.W.E.) vs. “Pryme Tyme” Amy Lee (champ)
-Sushi, Pasta and Some Tables, Ladders and Chairs Match… “A Wrestling Macth”
Angel Orsini (aka Riptide) vs. Sumei Sakai (imported from Japan)
-Leather Strap and Lacey Panty Match
Navaho vs. Lacey
-Bizarre Love Triangle Match
Candie vs. Kylie vs. Angela w/Tara as special guest referee
-Tag Team Titles Match “All You Can Eat Buffet”
The Mae Family vs. Cristal w/Hoberto & Liz Savage
Liz Savage? She's still alive???
Anyways, this is at the former ECW Arena, and full details (including how YOU can obtain Super Dangerous V.I.P. seating) can be found here.
New Year's Revolution thoughts
To me, this was the very definition of a "thumbs in the middle" show. Firstly, I only went 3-for-6 in my predictions, which makes me think either (a) I've lost of my touch or (b) the writers are out of touch. But still, that alone is not enough to turn me off of a PPV. After all, I don't mind being surprised, if it serves a purpose...
The Edge thing WAS a nice surprise for sure, and now it makes the Road to WrestleMania all that much more interesting. I cannot believe the Cena heat there; I've been saying it for months, but they absolutely HAVE to turn him heel now. When Carlito gets a bigger face pop than you, maybe it's time to reassess your character.
The Elimination Chamber was quite well done, especially considering the veterans weren't really carrying the match, per se. Triple H vs. Big Show was exactly what the doctor ordered, but apart from that? A series of mostly missable matches and pre-Royal Rumble filler. Bleah.
Like I said, really in the middle on this show.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Sign of things to come?
So starting with this weekend's PPV, I'm going to let Raw vs. SmackDown '06 act as a simulation of sorts to see how the various main events pan out. So I just simulated the New Year's Revolution Elimination Chamber match, making sure Shawn Michaels entered first, and Kane last. I played Michaels, just because it seemed more of a challenge to start from the outset.
So the order of elimination?
- Cena pinned Carlito.
- Michaels pinned Masters.
- Michaels pinned Angle.
- Cena pinned Kane.
- Cena pinned Michaels to win the match and retain his title (though there was no simulated Mr. McMahon coming out to screw me, so I guess it's slightly less than accurate).
Anyways... if you're wondering about my legit NYR predictions (as well as the usual gang of Online Onslaught semi-stars), they're right here.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Canadian Bulldog wraps up his Greatest Year in Review Ever (EVER!). His month-by-month fly-by is must-read material, and is available for you enjoyment in the latest Inside the Ropes.
Note: This is part two of last week's ITR.
And as a bonus... all 12 of the year's pictures can be found right here.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Barry O Retrospective
I would highly recommend reading this three-part series on "The Other O" Barry Orton (Randy's uncle, Bob's brother). Some really interesting stuff here.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Movie Review - The Ringer
Wasn't sure what to expect going into this one -- was it going to take horrible, unnecessary shots at the mentally challenged? Was it going to explain what special olympic athletes go through? The answer was, a little bit of both.
While they never handled the material REALLY sensitively, it wasn't as bad as, say, when South Park made basically the same story years earlier. There was a bit of a message here, so at least give them points for that.
As much as I LOVED Jackass: The Movie when I saw it recently, Johnny Knoxville is not leading man material. That said, he could have certainly been a lot worse. But the single biggest problem with this film is that there just WAY TOO MANY plot holes throughout.
There were a few funny moments here, but overall, nothing I would overly recommend anyone to go out and see. Maybe a video rental a best...
Whiner Of The Day
Ah, now I see why no one comments on your blog. You're an ignorant dipshit.
I found this site while searching for reviews of WWE 24/7, which is the only worthwhile area of that company. I thought you actually had a clue about the business until I saw your pathetic knock on TNA.
Thanks for the compliment!!! Love and kisses, Bulldog
P.S. YOU commented on my blog. How do you like them apples?
Monday, January 02, 2006
As I type this, it's 9:38 p.m. on a Monday night, and in Canada, Raw is just getting underway. And I believe it's being joined in progress (though hard to say at his juncture). The beginning was pre-empted for yet another game in the World Junior Hockey Championships.
This is not the first time this has happened. Last week, the show didn't even AIR, and a few weeks back, I believe it was pre-empted by a good hour. This is getting ridiculous, and I know it will only get worse next year with TSN getting NFL (and thus Monday Night Football rights).
Raw in Canada still gets good ratings consistently and has been for years here. Does junior hockey get better ratings? I have no idea, but I'd have to assume so, otherwise there wouldn't be the pre-emptions. But my rant isn't about hockey, or football, or even curling and whether it should be on TSN. It's whether wrestling should be on TSN any more.
I mean.... WWE should go to another network that actually cares about airing the program on time every week. It's not as though there aren't two other sports networks in Canada, plus tons of other stations that could use a ratings boost. I just think it's time for WWE to start thinking about it...
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Oh, You Didn't Know?
Check out this video clip here where the former Road Dogg and Billy Gunn go nuts on Triple H. You know, while it's always cool to see ex-wrestlers bashing the person I'd consider the best in the business right now, I don't see how Billy Gunn's comments have a lot of merit, given that WWE pushed the hell out of him how many times - and nothing ever stuck. And that's not because Triple H "held him back", it's because (as Rock once said) he absolutely sucks.