IWC Rumble

Click here for the IWC Sunday Night Heat festivities -- the Rumble follows if you click on the appropriate links.

Hilarious! Though I have to say... I win the REAL Rumble, yet I don't even place in the phony one???

As Burgan himself might say `Scandalous!'

DVD Suggestions

Here are three sets that I think are long overdue. While I certainly love some of them that WWE has put out recently, a lot of the footage has been out there before and fairly accessible (with the exception, of course, of the Flair set). Why not give the 'From The Vault' treatment to:

Chris Jericho: Could include some of his ECW stuff (I've only seen one of his matches, the one on the Path of Destruction DVD); his WCW feuds with Dean Malenko (would LOVE to see the '1,002 holds' promo again), Rey Mysterio and Perry Saturn; and his WWE stuff could include the Last Man Standing match with Triple H, any number of matches with Benoit and Angle, his match against Hogan (which I remember as being half-decent) and the TLC matches where he teamed with Benoit and then Christian. As a bonus, how about Jericho's favorite WrestleMania match ever: Randy Savage vs. Ricky Steamboat? It's been years since I've seen that one...

Eddy Guerrero: Come on, NOW is the time for this release. If they can do something for John Cena, surely Guerrero could get the full DVD treatment. I wouldn't even know where to start. The ECW match where he and Malenko were about to leave, WCW matches against The Giant, Ric Flair, Rey Mysterio from Halloween Havoc (unless that one is on the Rey DVD, I can't remember), and the WWE stuff could include his feud with Jericho (the Chyna turn as well), the U.S. title match with Benoit and any number of the SmackDown Six tag matches from '02. As a bonus match, what about the one from the AAA PPV where he teamed up with Art Barr (I THINK that was from the PPV that WCW helped run).

Chris Benoit: Again, you could use any number of matches here and it would turn out great. Two of my fave matches I'd want on here would be the Owen Hart tribute match vs. Bret and last year's Rumble match with Kurt Angle. What else? Part or all of the Booker T series, the three-way from WCW involving DDP and Raven, his ladder match with Jericho... Really, add in any other ones as you see fit, there are so many to choose from. Bonus footage for me would be something involving Dynamite Kid, his idol. Perhaps Dynamite's Jr. Heavyweight match from 1983 against Tiger Mark. Or... didn't WCW own the footage at one point of Benoit's match with Jushin Liger in Japan?

Of course, that means we'll never see ANYTHING LIKE THIS on store shelves.

Me And My Big Mouth
So yesterday, I'm posting on the wienerboard (thread here) in reference to writer Dave Gagnon, who I've known for years, well before I was even 'Canadian Bulldog'.

Gagnon, who was responding to Flea's site closing and the IWC 100, kind of compares himself to the Torch's Pat McNeill. So in what was supposed to be a joke on my part, I wrote "I know you're upset and all, but DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO PAT MCNEIL!!! For Pete's sake!!! You are so much more talented than that. At least shoot for Burgan, or someone who can write..."

I did not mean to infer that Burgan CAN'T write, because honestly I really dig the guy's work. If anything, I think he's one of the funniest guys on the Net right now. But I now understand it could have been construed the wrong way.

If anything, my comment was a shot at McNeill, not Derek, whose SmackDown recaps and cartoons I read religiously at the Torch site.

Anyways, it's probably not a big deal at all -- I just feel bad about saying it.

Rumble Reax
Wow! 2004 is shaping up to be a good year, wrestling-wise. Of course, all I can see to is WrestleMania, but still...

Here are my thoughts:

First three matches were WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too short. Even Dudleys vs. Ric Flair/Batista, which I wasn't looking especially forward to, could have used some fat on it. But Eddie Guerrero Vs. Chavo Guerrero deserved at least 10 minutes and probably 20. At the very least, they could have used the five minutes afterward where Eddie pulverized the Chavos and turned that into valuable ring time.

Bob Holly vs. Brock Lesnar went almost perfectly, considering they actually, you know, went ahead with it. Nobody wanted to see it, and so WWE decided to turn it into a glorified squash. Something right out of Saturday-morning Superstars of Wrestling. Hell, I was almost expecting Gorilla Monsoon to take us over to the event center at the end of the replay.

Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H was their usual dose of the good stuff, and I really dug Michaels' Asai moonsault onto the announce table. The bladejob on Michaels was particularly gory and unnecessary. Was I crazy about the finish? No, but what decision were they going to give that would have made everyone happy? They can't put the title on Michaels (it bombed last time) and having HHH go over clean with a pedigree would have also been a mistake. No, the double count-down wasn't a brilliant finish, but it wasn't an awful one, either.

The Rumble match itself was near-perfect; one of the best ones I've seen in a while. Benoit suprised me with the win (I was thinking Kurt Angle so he could have Goldberg at No Way Out next month), but his performance there didn't. The semi-returns of both Undertaker and Foley were well done; neither was overexposed (in Taker's case, he wasn't exposed at all, which is a good thing). The comedy spots (Spike Dudley, Nunzio, Ernest Miller) were done sparingly and effective. More subtle interaction between Chris Jericho and Christian -- works for me. Big Show was especially impressive, and I seriously mean that. From big fat goof two years ago to big fat threat, at least the guy's going places. And who can frown on the interaction between Goldberg and Brock Lesnar?

Overall, I wasn't crazy about the undercard, but the Rumble match ruled.

My Ideal WrestleMania

While we're at it...

I've posted bits and pieces of this elsewhere, and most of it is pretty logical, but here's my wish list nonetheless...

WWE Title Match
Bill Goldberg Vs. Brock Lesnar

World Title Match
Chris Benoit Vs. Triple H

WrestleMania All-Star Team Vs. Evolution
Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock and Mick Foley Vs.
Ric Flair, Batista and Randy Orton

Interpromotional Tag Team Match
Dudley Boyz Vs. World's Greatest Tag Team

The Undertaker Vs. Kane

U.S. Title Match
John Cena Vs. Big Show

Eddie Guerrero Vs. Kurt Angle

Cruiserweight Title Match
Rey Mysterio Vs. Shannon Moore Vs. Tajiri Vs.
Jamie Noble Vs. Ultimo Dragon Vs. Chavo Guerrero

Chris Jericho and Trish Stratus Vs.
Christian and Molly Holly

Legends of WrestleMania Battle Royal
(eg people from the past and present who don't have a spot elsewhere on the card

Suggestions: Shawn Michaels, Booker T, Rob Van Dam, Scott Steiner, Test, The Hurricane, Basham Brothers, A-Train, Rhyno, Billy Gunn, Matt Morgan, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, King Kong Bundy, Greg Valentine, Tito Santana, Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, Sgt. Slaughter and Jimmy Snuka (this is starting to sound like Here Comes The Pain) .

Please let me know what you think. I'd be all over an event like that...

Angle to win?
Maybe not, but I have to say that the Torch's Pat McNeill came up with one of the most interesting predictions I've seen so far.

Long story short: Goldberg and Benoit get traded to the opposite brands, Angle wins the Rumble. Goldberg faces Angle at No Way Out (where I'm assuming Kurt turns heel) and presumably loses #1 contender's spot, setting up Goldberg vs. Lesnar and Angle vs. Guerrero for WrestleMania.

You'd also have HHH defeating facing Benoit at Mania, which isn't altogether a bad idea.

At this point, I have to say... that's the best scenario I've heard so far...

Rumble Memories

As may be evidenced in my column on OO tomorrow, the Royal Rumble is my favorite event of the year, bar none. I can't remember a year where the Rumble match itself hasn't been entertaining. Was going through some videos tonight, and some of my favorite moments:

- Ax and Smash entering as # 1 and # 2 respectively (and all the other times tag teams, brothers and stablemates have faced off). It was a fun, creative two minutes of the match, and can be a surreal thing when they pull that angle sparingly. I give them credit that since 1989, they've never gone back to tag team partners being # 1 and # 2 or anything.
- Giant Gonzales debuts. Sure, he was an untalented lump of shit, but NO ONE was expecting his appearance at the time. It was another crazy, unexpected angle.
- Ric Flair wins the whole damn thing. Just watched that again on the Flair DVD, and it really was an amazing performance. Aside from a couple of minutes to rest, he really did wrestle the entire hour plus. Woooo!
- Yokozuna wins in 93. Only because it was totally unexpected. I was thinking they were going to set up Owen Hart to win it, being as he was in there until almost the end and they could have done Bret vs. Owen at WM9 (okay, so I was a year early there). Still, a real shocker.
- The yearly longevity push: I liked it better when it was a guy like Bob Backlund quietly hanging in almost an hour, rather than someone who was going to win the whole thing anyways. In fact, I think that's what they should do with Benoit. He goes in at number one, and stays till the end, but loses anyways. I know that would piss off a lot of Benoit fans, but it would be a cool thing to try to pull off.

I still say Goldberg should win this year, but now that he's at # 30, no way it's going to happen. Maybe Benoit after all....

Crank Calling Fun
Another thing I found buried in a box somewhere, as I prepare to move, is an audio tape I recorded a good five years ago that had one of my best crank call schemes to date (and I've done a few of them over the years, let me tell ya):

My brother and I used to work part-time at a building that also had career counselling services. At night, we would have access to hundreds and hundreds of resumes, and decided to have a little fun. Posing as a company called `Direct Job Network' we'd call up people on the list (most of them in bookeeping) and pretend we could refer them to potential employers. Then of course, we asked all kinds of bizarre questions.

I know it sounds cruel -- actually it WAS cruel -- but a lot of fun nonetheless. Here's a rough transcript from memory of one of the half-dozen calls we made:

Canadian Bulldog: What would your ideal work week be like?
Job Prospect: I could do forty hours a week.
Canadian Bulldog: Do you work well with others?
Job Prospect: Yes.
Canadian Bulldog: Could you work well with someone if that person beat you up?
Job Prospect: Beat me... up?
Canadian Bulldog: Hypothetically... Could you work with them still?
Job Prospect: Yes
(I SWEAR this is all true!)
Canadian Bulldog: Do you show up for work on time?
Job Prospect: Yes
Canadian Bulldog: Do you have access to a car?
Job Prospect: Yes
Canadian Bulldog: What experience do you have, if any, with fireworks?
Job Prospect: Fireworks?
Canadian Bulldog: Yes
Job Prospect: Fireworks?
Canadian Bulldog: Yes
Job Prospect: I have lots of experience. I was a bookkeeper for three years, I worked for an accountant...
Canadian Bulldog: Yes, but none of those jobs involve fireworks.
Job Prospect: Fireworks?
Canadian Bulldog: Let's move on. What qualities would you say you have in common with actress Betty White?
Job Prospect: Betty White?
Canadian Bulldog: Yes, you remember her from television's 'The Golden Girls'.
Job Prospect: Betty White? I know her. I would say we both like to help people, very kind, funny, honest...
(Again, not making ANY of this up!)
Canadian Bulldog: Do you support the new World order?
Job Prospect: New world order?
Canadian Bulldog: Or you more in the camp of WCW?
Job Prospect: I don't know them.
Canadian Bulldog: So you're more of an ECW fan or something, then....

I'll try to remember more of this, or if I get to it, I'll transcribe some of this stuff one day, word for word...

Uncovering old backyard... er basement wrestling tapes

So as part of getting ready for the big move, I have to break in to my apartment's storage unit in the basement of our building. Of course, I forgot the lock combo, so I enlist the help of my brother (who has a pair of bolt cutters) and my three-year-old son (who was curious) and into the basement we go.

Uncover a lot of cool wrestling-related stuff: a set of `Wrestling Stars' trading cards, which are pretty much the impetus for creating ITR, some 15-odd years earlier; some obscure videotapes which I'll have to take a look through later; pictures of me interviewing The Undertaker, Owen Hart and Jason Sensation... but what I couldn't find was the one videotape I was looking for.

You see, I started a kind-of backyard fed with two other people, oh we're talking at least 15 years ago and probably earlier than that. At one point, I consolidated a lot of the video footage into a `best of' tape. I was SURE this thing was well-hidden in my storage space somewhere. But no such luck.

So after my son is put to bed, my brother and I travel to my folks place and what do we find -- no, not the best of tape, but three of our fed's classic Pay-Per-Views. After reviewing them, I'm convinced that anybody who would have ever paid for this would be certifiably insane.

I'm surprised at how well the angles I wrote still hold up today, but the wrestling is (obviously) horrible, the filming awful and some of the gimmicks are downright offensive. Among them -- an evil Nazi, a corrupt Alabama cop, stereotypical Japanese, Puerto Rican and Native American wrestlers, and at least three or four `crazy' characters.

Anyways, it was f'ing hilarious to sit back and watch the nostalgia. But the tape would be purely awful for anyone but the three of us in it.

Bloodbath

So I just bought the 'Bloodbath' DVD tonight, about to sit down and watch it. Seriously, its not a bad deal at all for $22 (Canadian, so like 5 cents U.S.). Some pretty awesome stuff on here from the looks of it -- and a good chunk of them look to be full matches too.

For those of you who asked (okay, nobody asked, I'm just trying to make myself seem important), here are the wrestling DVD's I have in my collection:

Bloodbath
Ultimate Ric Flair Collection
Shawn Michaels From The Vault
Rey Mysterio 619
Hulk Rules
Triple H The Game
nWo Back in Black
Mick Foley Hard Knocks and Cheap Pops
Best of Confidential
ECW Best of Cactus Jack
ECW Path of Destruction
ECW Cyberslam
This is Ultimate Wrestling (winner for 'most blatant false advertising of the year')
Ultimate Wrestling 3-disc set (I'm a sucker, what can I say?)
WrestleMania X-7, X-8, XIX
No Mercy 2001
Insurrexion 2001
SummerSlam (the one with Ventura. 2000?)

I just packed them all away, as I'm preparing to move in about a month. Well, all except for Bloodbath...

Where to begin?

Does anyone even read these things?

I guess we'll see, though I'd bet the only thing more boring that reading about me is actually BEING me.

Anyhoo.... what do you guys think of the brand spanking new website? So far, nothing but archives, but I do hope to add some new and uniquely original things.... uh.... such as this blog.

I'm going to try to write most of this `out of character', though we shall see. I'm not exactly sure what will be written here or (knowing me) if I'll even maintain it regularly.

If you have any questions about me, or for the column, here would be as good a place as any to deposit them.

Uh.... that's about it for now.