Latest (Last Week's) ITR

Oops... forgot to post this again.

The Canadian Bulldog is off on important business, promoting his new line of merchandise... but he didn't leave us high and dry! Nope, he dug up an old column from 1989, chock full of Brain Busting goodness! Enjoy.

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Start Spreadin' The News...

(a/k/a 'The Story Of My On Again, Off Again, NYC Weekend')

So every year, my company sends us to New York City for a sort of company picnic/party. I had such a great time last year that I HAD to bring my son to this year's extravaganza (the company pays for our airfare, hotel, etc., but we have to pay for our own family).

After weeks of fiddling with schedules, calling around for cheap airfares, etc., I finally score a good deal for my son. We even sleep over at the airport-connected hotel here in Toronto the night before, because our flight was leaving at 8 a.m. (because it's a cross-border flight, we have to be at the airport 2 hours in advance). This turned out to be a very wise decision indeed.

At 11 p.m. that night (Friday night, while we were sleeping at the hotel), I got word from American Airlines that our flight was cancelled the next morning because of "weather concerns". Which was really odd, because Toronto and NYC's weather is usually pretty similar, so what weather problem could they be talking about? Turns it out it was raining cats and dogs in Manhattan, and the airline couldn't place us on a flight until SUNDAY, which meant we would have had to miss the picnic, not to mention my hotel reservations.

After speaking with the American Airlines rep for about 30 minutes, we discover that I can be transferred to a Continental Airlines flight. Two problems (a) it flies to Newark, NJ instead of Laguardia in NYC and (b) it leaves at 6:30 a.m. The first problem wasn't huge; I've flown into Newark many times before, and the time difference getting into the city is negligible. The second problem was a bit bigger; it meant I'd have to wake up at 3:30, and get my son up at 4!

I decided I'd do it. I really didn't want to give up the party, plus I usually LOVE the NYC hotels my company puts us up at. So I set my alarm for 3:30.

The next morning is a bit of a hassle, as my son does NOT want to wake up and because he's three, I can't really explain to him the problem here. He reluctantly comes along, and by 5:45, we're checked in, past customs and ready to fly. The flight is pleasant enough; it was on a small jet with no more than 50 people aboard (which I didn't mind at all), and my son took his first airplane ride quite well.

We arrive in Newark at about 8, and after a bit of confusion, collect our bags and find the car service that was to pick us up. Once we arrive at the hotel, though, we have a new problem: they won't check us in until 3 p.m. I plead with them saying my son is dead tired, and it's a good three hours until the picnic even STARTS, but to no avail. So, having run out of options, I get comfy in the hotel lobby chair and my son falls asleep on me for an hour or so. Fun, fun, fun!

Oh, and did I mention the weather is just fine by now? It had rained heavily the night before, but I still don't see why they had to cancel the flight in advance...

Once he's had a bit of rest, we head over to my offices on Park Avenue and wait for a chartered bus to take us to the picnic. This goes pretty smoothly, and within 45 minutes, we're enjoying ourselves at the picnic. I'll give full credit to my company: they KNOW how to put on an awesome party. Food everywhere you look; tons of live music; all kinds of games, exhibits and even a proper midway set up for the little ones! My son truly had a blast. That was really important to me.

We leave the party between 4 and 5 p.m., stuffed to our ears and worn out by the sun (aside from being a bit humid, it was perfect outdoor weather in NYC), and go to check into our hotel. I have never been so disappointed in my life.

Now usually, my company hooks me up with some of the nicest hotels in town: The Drake, The St. Regis, etc. Even when I'm travelling elsewhere, it's first class all the way. So while I've definitely been spoiled, it didn't make the accomodations any better.

This place, The Melrose, was one of the tiniest, most antiquated, dumpiest hotels I've ever been to. My bedroom was larger than the room here, I kid you not. I have been to flea-bitten, non-temperature controlled motel rooms that were a better deal. I have half a mind to write a letter of complaint, and I don't do that all that often.

After assessing the situation for twenty minutes, I decide to take my son out to Times Square for some fun (no, not THAT kind of fun, you perverts; Times Square has been cleaned up for years now). We head to the HUGE Toys R Us, and he is even more impressed than at the picnic. An hour or so there and we're both exhausted and decide to hunt for some chow. On his recommendation, we ended up at McDonalds, which was fine by me.

A little more shopping and we head to sleep in our broom close...er, room, calling it a night after an exhausting day. Believe it or not, the little guy wakes up at six a.m. the next day, raring to go! WOW!!!

I let him play with his new toys for a while as daddy takes a longer catnap till seven, then we're off in search of breakfast. HoJo hits the spot quite nicely (we were on a budget, this weekend, see....) and then I notice my son is coming down with a case of the sniffles. So I figure, I'll just head into a drugstore and end of problem, right? WRONG!

We couldn't find one ANYWHERE! I kept asking for directions, and we would walk six, seven blocks, only to find something that was closed on Sundays. ARGH! Finally, we headed back to Times Square, where I found a 24-hour Duane Reade that was open. This was after a good two hours of searching, though. After a quick lunch at an unnamed pizza joint and some DVD/videogame shopping, I tell my son we're going to The Disney Store. There was this huge one last summer, and I was determined to let my son explore it, even IF we were flat broke by this point.

A loooooooong cab ride later (because of street delays from the Pride Parade), and we find the Disney Store. Closed. Until October 2004, when it will re-open again. I felt like the Clark Griswold character in the first Vacation movie when they got to Wally World. My son took it in stride, though. At least he got to watch a parade (umm...err....)

We took in a (free) museum exhibit presented by Sony Wonder (which killed an hour, if nothing else), then headed back to our crappy hotel (as Dave Barry calls it, The Total Lack Of Quality Inn). I called the car service to pick us up a bit early, and with some luck, we caught an early flight back to Toronto (initially, we had a flight that wouldn't get us home much before 10:30 p.m., two hours past my son's bedtime). We got home by 7 instead.

Bottom line - my son had an AMAZING time in New York, which is what I really wanted. I enjoyed the picnic itself, and otherwise the trip was just mediocre to bad. But considering the costs (I spent maybe $450 the entire weekend; INCLUDING his $300 airfare!), it wasn't bad at all.

File under 'What the FUCK???'

So unless PWInsider.com and 1wrestling.com are conspiring by giving us phony results, Bradshaw has just joined the illustrious ranks of WWE champions, defeating Eddy Guerrero at GAB.

Other than Vince Russo (and yes, I realize David Arquette and Vince McMahon are included in this), I can't think of a less deserving WWE champion. I mean, THIS is what you get for insulting wrestling fans (and not in a heel way) and making an obscene, racist gesture in public?

What an insult!

Not only that, but I was doing so well in my predictions up until this point....

Latest ITR

Bulldog re-reviews a classic '92 videotape, and also has advice for Lita, an interview with Benoit, and lots more EXCLUSIVE information.

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Twin Wrestling Entertainment

So last night, literally at the last minute (technically, 90 minutes LATER than the last minute), I headed over to an indepedent wrestling card at a community center five minutes from my house. It was cool, because I know its been more than a decade since we've had wrestling at this facility.

The show was put on by Twin Wrestling Entertainment, and value for dollar, it was a lot of fun. Actually, it was REALLY cheap for me, because I walked in during intermission and no one was selling tickets anymore. So I just kind of walked in.
Unfortunately, if I had known about the show beforehand, I would have made it for the 8 p.m. bell time. There were maybe 50-75 fans, and the small crowd was definitely into the action.

I hadn't heard of too many of the competitors in the prestigious "King of Ontario" independent championship tournament, but they still put on a good little show. During one match, I was on the telephone (inviting my brother to stop by -- "Free wrestling!"), and I look up to see... THE MISSING LINK!!! HOLY SHIT!!! Link still looks good, physically, but all he really did was hold a chair in place to beat up one of the TWE regulars, so I'm guessing his best days were 20-odd years ago.

Anyways, the main event was excellent, although I have no idea what the competitors names were (the PA system wasn't the greatest). Let me put it this way, the match was better than some of the stuff I saw at a recent SmackDown taping!

If this company decides to come back to our neck of the woods (and I know about it beforehand), I will DEFINITELY be back there...

Latest ITR (about a week late)

Oops... forgot to post this one here. It originally ran on June 10th...

ItR is your weekly home for EXCLUSIVE information you can't find anywhere else. This week, that means a breakdown of WWE's weekend PPV, the truth about Bradshaw, and an untangling of that messy Samoan Family Tree. The Canadian Bulldog has all that and more.


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YES!!!

Just heard that Curb Your Enthusiasm is coming to Canadian television, starting this Sunday with the premiere of Season Three. As far as I know, the show wasn't on Canadian airwaves before (unless you count the poor man's HBO, aka TMN, which I clearly can't afford).

Anyways, I've already seen season one on DVD, season two is supposed to be out any day now, so no worries. At least I get to watch some new episodes. Finally!!!

Bad Blood Thoughts

This was just a tremendous show, especially that I had only so-so expectations going into it. Come to think of it (in my mind anyways), WWE has delivered big-time in five of its six PPV's this year, which is really saying something.

Edge and Chris Benoit Vs. La Resistance was a decent opener, which was booked more meant to sell the main event, but whatever. There were a few subtle teases of dissention between Edge and Benoit, but nothing that would have rushed this whole angle too much. Wasn't thrilled with the finish, but it was decent enough knowing that the French Canadians weren't going to part with the gold tonight.

Chris Jericho Vs. Tyson Tomko was, mercifully, kept short. I think WWE even realized this was too much, too soon for the so-called Problem Solver. Nice of Jericho to bust out the running enziguiri as a finisher, in any event.

Shelton Benjamin Vs. Randy Orton started uniquely enough, I'll give them that. And hey – another 'Orton Fears Jeb' sign! Do we know whom the culprit is this time round? Brilliant! The match itself was fast-paced and these only helped each other reputations by staying strong. The figure-four/small package spot was nicely done, and even the finish didn't seem out of place. I can TOTALLY see these guys being the next Rock and Triple H, in the sense that they'll be feuding again and again as their legends grow. Orton Fears Jeb – HA!

The women's match was bleah at best. At least it was short, too. No idea what the point of having Trish go over was, apart from making her the first-ever five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time, five-time Women's champion (Suckaaaaa!).

Eugene Vs. Coach was exactly what it should have been. Fun mid-card comedy filler that wasn't a minute too long (or short, for that matter). Not sure what was with the cookie lady, though. I thought for sure this was going to be when William Regal turned. Guess not.

I know a lot of people were down on the idea of a Chris Benoit Vs. Kane PPV match, but I'm glad I wasn't one of them. When Kane's motivated, the guy can certainly hold his own, which he did here. Benoit was equal parts selling and working his submission holds – it's almost the classic big guy/small guy struggle that wrestling tries to sell to us on almost a weekly basis. Surprising finish there, too.

Triple H Vs. Shawn Michaels wasn't the best HIAC match I've ever seen, though it has to rank up there behind Foley/Undertaker and maybe HBK/Taker in terms of drama. This was probably the best Michaels has ever sold his injured back since… well, since his back was legitimately injured at WMXIV. Triple H even took a bit more punishing spots than normal. Although I've grown to hate the pedigree as a finisher, this was one situation where it made sense. HHH needs to stay strong going into his next little feud with Benoit, and it's not like the guy hasn't had his share of jobs over the last little while. So I wasn't disappointed in the least. The "courageous" HBK can now spend some time with his family, and return equally as strong as when he left. Everyone wins.

Hey look – I actually went 5 for 7 on my predictions. Not too shabby…

New DVD Review

JCW Volume Three - let me know what you think...

Bradshaw Canned From CNBC

Well, everyone else has weighed in on this, so I might as well too....

What Bradshaw did, in character or not, was deplorable. So was it wrong? Absolutely. But has he been the only one perpetuating stereotypes in wrestling recently? Not at all.

Just look at some of the recent WWE gimmicks and storylines: we've seen racist comments from Randy Orton directed at Shelton Benjamin (the infamous 'you people' promo); About a dozen guys on the SmackDown roster being grossed out by Rico's homosexuality; Rico, himself, for allowing it; John Cena with a lot of the raps he's done over the past 2 years (although, he has toned down his act recently); the whole Eugene character and the idea that being mentally challenged is funny; and of course, "Mr. Sensitive" Bradshaw's repeated knocks at Eddie Guerrero and the Latino population in general.

Who's to say which of these is worse than the other? I, personally, had relatives who died in the Holocaust, so I am certainly not making light of the situation. But I guess I'm just saying that, when the whole company seems to condone it, it sure becomes a whole lot easier to justify Bradshaw's actions.

Wrestling, if you think about it, has done tremendous business perpetuating stereotypes over the years, from the ethnocentric WWWF in the 60's and 70's to characters like Bad News Brown and Razor Ramon in the 80's and 90's, right up to a lot of the modern-day crew. Are there less horrible sterotypes now than there were 20 years ago? Without a doubt, but then again, the world has changed, too. WWE needs to at least catch up to the standard that is expected from society today.

So this whole CNBC thing I find to be a positive development. It sends a message that "Hey, just because you hide behind being edgy in the wrestling world, the rest of us still call it racism." I have NO IDEA how much of that was Bradshaw's personal opinion or not, and I don't really care. This at least shows that there are sometimes consequences to your actions.

America's Funniest Home Videos This AIN'T

Check out this site, submitted by a co-worker of mine. I especially recommend the 'cop birdie' clip. Hilarious!!!

Alzheimer's

With all of the hoopla surrounding President Reagan's death this week, I've been reminded of my grandmother, who passed away about two years ago after suffering from the disease for several years.

I had heard a little about the disease before my grandmother had it, but had no idea the far-reaching and debilitating effects it can have. Someone you think you know well, they change once Alzheimer's has run its course. And unfortunately, it's never a pretty sight.

Anyways, the two charities I generally support are The Alzheimer Society of Canada and the Canadian Cancer Society. Might be time to pull out the checkbook again...

JCW

Ever since I read a Scott Keith review of one of the JCW DVD's, I've been looking actively to find it. JCW, or Juggalo Championshit Wrestling (no, not that's not a typo)is a small Insane Clown Posse-run promotion that doesn't take themselves very seriously. Actually, that's a major understatement. It's all done for the sole purpose of entertaining ICP.

Yesterday, whilst DVD shopping in Toronto, looking for rare wrestling discs (a rarity in these parts is usually something like ECW CyberSlam), I actually found JCW Volume Three wedged in between two WWE releases. It wasn't nearly as good/funny as I'd thought it would be... IT WAS WAYYYYYY BETTER!!!

I feel a review coming on...

Latest ITR

Forget stiff competition from "24" and "The OC." The New Fall Season will have an even greater impact on the wrestling world than you may have thought. And who other than the mysterious Canadian Bulldog could have dug up this exclusive news? No one, that's who!

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What to do if the Internet goes down

Some helpful hints from The Toque, one of my favorite Onion-like parody sites on the Net.

SmackDown: Here Comes The Crap

So my brother and I caught the SmackDown tapings last night on a lark. Normally, I would have been all over a TV taping, but I've been REALLY down on SmackDown lately. Still, the show was literally a five minute walk from my office, so I figured `why not?'.

I soon found out.

Firstly, it took us FOREVER to get into the building because there was only one indoor entrance, and it was pouring rain outside, so we all waited for easily 30 minutes to get into the building. Our seats weren't the best, but they were last minute, so it's all good.

The show itself, as the spoilers below may indicate, was just terrible. The sole highlight of the night was a crudely-drawn chalk-style drawing of Rikishi I bought outside the ACC for my brother. There was a street vendor outside the building (they also had Rock, Austin, Mankind, etc., but none as cheesy as The 'Kish). I was able to bargain the vendor down from $15 to just 6 bucks, so I felt it was worth the running joke we'd have for the night.

Anyways, here are the spoilers (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!) Warning: the following program contains scenes of utter crap. Viewer discretion is not only advised, it's actually encouraged:




Velocity matches:

Spike Dudley defeated Shannon Moore
Mark Jindrak defeated Billy Kidman
Rico and Charlie Haas defeated Akio and Sakoda, in the only decent match of the night.

SmackDown matches:

Interview number one: Booker T claims he didn't aid The Dudleyz in kidnapping Paul Bearer last week. John Cena (wearing an Old School Blue Jays jersey) comes out, blames Booker for interfering in his lumberjack match last week. Does a hilarious impression of Booker, claims Book makes the faces he does because he craps his pants.). Kurt Angle and Luther come out, tell Cena he isn't a good role model, blah blah blah. Booker and Cena brawl, with Cena falling onto Angle and knocking him out of his wheelchair. Angle screams that "they" will strip Cena of the U.S. title.

Eddy Guerrero defeated Danny Basham. Doug was booted from ringside.

Interview number two: Mordecai had a looooong segment where he prayed for our sins. Give him hell, Mordecai!!!

Interview number three: Miss Jackie won a four-way bikini contest with Sable, Dawn Marie and Torrie. Jamie Noble (in a tux) was the guest host for some reason. At the end of it, all four women sprayed Noble with water and pushed him into a sandbox. The hilarity never ends!!!

Bob Holly and Billy Gunn (Hardcore Ass) defeated FBI. And yet the OTHER tag team match was on Velocity? Bizarre!

Chavo Classic defeated Funaki. After words, a group of women ran into the ring to congratulate Chavo Classic. In a later segment, Classic reveals to Junior that he paid them all off.

Rey Mysterio defeated Rene Dupree, cleanly. Huh?

Interview number four: Bradshaw arrived with a bullrope in tow to announce what kind of match he's having with Eddy Guerrero at GAB. Hmmm, let's see... maybe an Elimination Chamber match? Or perhaps a Triple Threat? No, it will be the DREADED BULLROPE MATCH, met with the delight of the crowd. Or maybe not.

The Undertaker went to a no-contest with Booker T when Paul Heyman ran out on the mic and claimed that The Dudleyz would harm Paul Bearer if Undertaker didn't do as Heyman said. Heyman tried to convince Taker to join his stable and "together, we'll dominate SmackDown!" (as opposed to... who?). The show ended there, then there was a ridiculous schmozz involving Taker, Booker, Cena, Dudleyz, Bradshaw and Dupree.

Awful ending to an awful show.