Chris Candido Dies

Awful, awful news.

From everything I'd read (and I think there was a review of a shoot interview I just read two or three weeks ago. Mr. Burgan's?), the guy was honest about his problems and seemed to want to turn things around and have another decent run.

I always found him to be a decent hand in the ring, even from his days as the chickenshit heel in SMW. I could have definitely seen WWE taking another chance on him some day. Who knows what actually happened, but it would be terrible had this been tied to his ankle injury (they're saying there was a staph infection or something).

Anyways, rest in peace, Skip.

Latest ITR

HeartbreakerMania!

Shawn Michaels and Hulk Hogan: together at last, for the first time, for the last time. Is it a Dream Team of two living legends? Is it a nightmarish clash of egos waiting to happen? Or is it a situation that could come to a horrifying trophy-related conclusion on a Very Special Episode of Piper's Pit? Perhaps this is a job for the Canadian Bulldog, who doesn't just have exclusive Hot Newz about the HeartbreakerManiacs, but has also prepared a full, detailed look at all the other matches taking place at Sunday's Backlash PPV just for you! Get all that and so much more (including a Hollywood Update on the Rock) in Bulldog's latest edition of Inside the Ropes.

Inside The Ropes (Online Onslaught)
Inside The Ropes (The W)

Branching Out

So you can see that I don't just do this to wrestlers, here's a LFAN I sent off to a spam scam I received on my work e-mail. This was mostly for my own amusement, but thought I'd share it here, too. The letter is first, followed by my reply:

My honor,
With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contactyou. I am an army Sgt.Charles Willy. Now serving with the third infantrycontingent mission stationed in Iraq; I actually found your contact particularsin a business journal.

I am seeking your experience and assistance to evacuate the sum of $18.5MillionUnited Sates Dollars to a comfortable place where you reside. This is no stolen funds, and there are no risks involved.

SOURCE OF FUNDS: During the third month of the raid here in Iraq, Myself and a few othersoldiers while conducting a routine search in a location near one of Saddam.s old palaces, I discovered large Sums of money buried in barrels with piles ofweapons and ammunitions which we believed must have been part of Saddam's hiddentreasure. I and my late colleague agreed not to turn over the cash or declare itto our authorities that brought us here, since there was nothing we could dohaving considered that there is no amount or kind of compensation that can makeup, be quantified, or justify the risks we have taken with our lives in thishell hole then I quickly declare the boxes to UNICEF staff who came to rescuevictims of the war to neighboring country where American set as center fortreatment, I drop a note with UNICEF staff that the boxes belongs to an alienwho leave in Iraq and that they want me to keep there personal belongings for them. The staff fully accepted the boxes from me and put it inside the flight toa near by country within the Middle East.

The total money inside the 2 boxes was amounting of $18.5Million Dollars, theseboxes have been moved out of Iraq by UNICEF to near by country and it wasdeposited security Vault, in a security vault. I confounded the UNICEF Staffthat these boxes contain Gold and diamond for the shop of alien who trade inIraq that they should secure it until they return or call for claim.One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter to thepublic due to my office and duty in Iraq, if you should have reasons to rejectthis offer, please destroy this mail. I do not know for how long we will remainhere, and I havesurvived two suicide bomb attacks by the grace of God.

It may be difficult for us to communicate frequently for security reasons, so assoon as I am sure you are willing to help, I will link you up with the contactand close confidant who will work with you to get the money into your care. Onyour immediate correspondence with the contact which I will introduce to you, hewill need to release to you the document and secret code in which the funds wassafeguarded with so you can proceed for claim and collection, but only when hehas ascertained your seriousness and totality to commit your time in seeing tothe success of this. We will also discuss your percentage when it is convenientto do so but the first thing is for you to get hold of the funds first.

I want you to write me and I shall brief you all details to achieve this aim.Thanks,
Sgt.Charles Willy.

Dear Sgt. Charles Willy (do you mind if I call you "Chilly Willy"?),

Thank you for summing up the courage to contact me from an Unnamed Business Directory. It's intestinal fortitude like yours that makes this country so great.

So if I understand your letter correctly, you found $18.5 million stashed insome boxes in Saddam's palace. Dude, weren't you guys there to look for Weaponsof Mass Destruction? Surely, that would be easier to find than 18 mill, I'd think... But that's just my opinion. Maybe that's why I flunked out of MilitaryCommando School and you're Sgt. Chilly Willy.

Anyways, I am writing you to learn more about this INCREDIBLE offer than I'm CERTAIN isn't a SCAM of any sort. No sir. I was thinking you could fly your chopper over to my place and just drop it in my back yard, right next to thefrog-shaped sand box. You know what I'll do with it? Well, I won't stash it in a barrel, that's for damn sure. Maybe I'll just you know... put in the bank! Did you ever think of THAT, Chilly Willy?

As I understand it, you did not want me to ``discuss this matter to the public''. Well, it's good thing you sent it to a REPORTER then, isn't it? This will make tonight's 6:00 news for sure. What rank did you say you were again?And do you have a photo?

I don't want to take up any more of your time, as I'm sure you're busy protecting the freedom of the American people/stealing gold from Saddam to bother with someone like me.

Peace, out,
Sgt. Bulldog

Website Feedback

I've finally started updating my ITR website, but it's still a work in progress. Certainly, the hits it receives are miniscule (even when compared to this here blog), so I'm entirely sure it's a worthwhile use of my time. This was mainly just adding some column archives, the DVD reviews and freshening up the look ever-so-slightly.

But that said -- any comments on the site? Anything missing? Anything you'd like to see? Lemme know...

Linda MacMahon Fired?

That certainly seems to be the opinion of the TWO HUNDRED odd votes cast in this week's poll so far. Yeah, I realize it was probably one or two people who did all the voting -- but still, when Linda gets 66 votes, maybe WWE should take notice and agree to "amicably release her from her contract". Brock Lesnor and Charlie Hoss' Dead Brother are tied for second with 41 votes apiece.

Anyways, good show, whomever kept voting!

Latest ITR

Beyond the Inside

So you think you're hot stuff, knowing all about the REAL reason Rhyno got fired last week (due to an outburst at the WrestleMania 21 after party). But you weren't there. The Torch wasn't there. You've only been hearing about it fourth- and fifth-hand, people, and you don't even know the half of it! Until now. Because OO was there! As far as you know! Ever intrepid, and surrounding himself with even more intrepid peers, the Canadian Bulldog has to the EXCLUSIVE after-party dish. And Rhyno wasn't the only one behaving badly. Get all the details, plus an interview with A Man They Call Vader, in today's Inside the Ropes.

ITR (Online Onslaught)
ITR (The W)

This blog on the market???

I have no idea what the fuck this means, but hoping someone can explain it to me. There are now "shares" in the Canadian BullBLOG, according to this site. HUH? The least they could have done is told me about the IPO....

Pro Wrestling's Ultimate Insiders

Just got my copy of this 3-DVD set (a shoot interview with Russo and Ferrara) tonight and I couldn't wait to pop it into the DVD player. I'm only half an hour into it and I am just BLOWN AWAY. Already, and I'm being completely serious, I have a whole new level of respect for Vince Russo -- and this is 30 freaking minutes into a 9 hour set!

I will have a full review at some point, but even just a watching a little tidbit of it, I can say this is must-watch television for any fan on the Monday Night Wars era.

Movie Review - Sin City

Caught this one last night and I was quite impressed. Unfortunately, I caught it too late in the evening for my liking (didn't realize how long it was, so I didn't end up leaving the theater till almost 1 a.m.) and the fatigue definitely took away from my enjoyment a little.

I'd never heard of the Sin City graphic novel series until this film, and I haven't picked up a comic book in probably 20 years (the last one I remember buying was the Marvel 4-issue special edition of The A-Team; oh, wait, I did buy the WCW comic years later, but more as a joke). That said, this film plays out exactly as a comic book might - the cliched dialog, the visuals, the action, even the camera angles and jumpy changes from scene-to-scene. That was easily the best part of the film for me - I've never seen such a flawless transition from comic book to big screen, all of those superhero films included.

Mickey Rourke and Bruce Willis do outstanding jobs with their characters, the rest are kind of cartoonish (with is absolutely fine for a movie like this one, just pointing it out). The story is a bit hard-to-follow in that they're going for a Pulp Fiction out-of-sequence thing, which you only fully appreciate by the end.

Still, I'd definitely recommend this one, if only just for the cinematography and overall concept. A fun night, if not a big on the lengthy side.

Arrested Development Line Of The Night

"Hey look at that, we didn't get swallowed up into the depths of hell." -- Mabey
"Oh, I'm not prepared for this case." -- Barry
"Every thing I do - I do it for you." - GOB

Ok, so was this the final episode, or what? Confused now...

Damn, I am SO bummed out over the fact that this may have been the last episode. The "next week on Arrested Development" threw me for a loop, though. But still, what a great possible) send-off. The Tobias-Blue Man Group situation provided one more belly-laugh; the Franklin CD, another fight on the courtroom steps, and even the return of Kitty.

HBO or someone else NEEDS to pick up this series.

This week's Inside The Ropes....

.... is expected to mark the return of an OLD FRIEND!!! Stay tuned....

Latest ITR

Trouble A-Brewing...

And the releases just keep on coming! Today, the Canadian Bulldog has been released from his duties here at Online Onslaught. At least for this week. You just never know: cuz ANYTHING can happen here at OO! But in place of a fresh column from Bulldog, we have illegally delved into his archive of pre-OO columns and selected one that glances back at the very first months of the Monday Night War. A time when Eric Bischoff was suddenly the most powerful man in the business. A time when the hottest EXCLUSIVE news was propagated via Usenet Newsgroups and 900-Hotlines, and a time when Bulldog was STILL on top of it all as only he could be! Check out this late 1995 edition of Inside The Ropes.

Inside The Ropes (Online Onslaught)
Inside The Ropes (The W)

Kicking a prophet while he's down....

So if you've been reading his blog for the past couple of weeks know all about the Jesus situation.

First came the Letters From A Nut that involved him. I've mentioned Jesus' message board here recently, and the messages some of my readers have left. At first he was responding to them with "who is bulldog?" etc. (and it's certainly possible the guy forgot all about my prank, which happened almost two months ago). Then he started erasing the messages.

Now, I've seen some of the messages my readers have left; most of them were fine, although a couple there went over the top. You people know who you are. I posted a quick "Don't pretend like you don't know who I am!" a couple of days ago and that got pulled too. Pretty harmless (by MY standards, anyways), right?

I heard today he got released (ironically, in The Rick's column, which mentions the original LFAN to boot). Which is unfortunate, to be honest - the poor never got a chance to show his stuff. So I didn't want to start a "feud" with him or anything, but at the same time, I don't think his web people should be erasing messages that YOU, the ITR readers, are leaving, all in good fun.

So I thought one last, well-written attempt might do the trick. This is what I posted tonight at approximately 9:45 eastern standard time:

Mr. Aguilera,
I don't understand why you keep taking down comments made by my readers (and one by ME, for that matter). No one said anything controversial, that I saw. They were just asking about your involvement in my prank.
I'm not saying you have to respond to this, but I just don't understand why you keep pulling these messages off your comment board. We're not trying to cause any trouble.
By the way, in total seriousness, if it's true you were released by WWE, I am sorry to hear that. I thought you played the Jesus character quite well.

Let's see how long this one stays on the board, shall we?

Matt/Rhyno gone

Rhyno and Matt Hardy have been released. World Wrestling Entertainment wishes them the best in their future endeavors.

I can understand what led up to both of these releases... but the Hardy one really pisses me off. I'm assuming he quit rather than being released, but I was sort of hoping he'd drift over to SmackDown where he could become a bigger player again.

I'm not one of these people who thinks Edge or Lita should be reprimanded for their actions (I mean, they did nothing illegal, even if it IS immoral), but Matt should not have been the one to pay the price for it.

For all I know, maybe the guy just wanted out of the business for a while, or would rather team up with Jeff in TNA on a part-time basis.

As for Rhyno, he certainly wasn't my favorite, and the fact that he's apparently losing his child because his wife is moving to Germany makes for a really tough situation. Hopefully, we'll see both of these guys back soon.

Jays Do It Again

What a great weekend for a born-again Blue Jays fan like myself. Two out of three with the BoSox and the other one, damn close. Went back to the..... eughhhhhh... Rogers Centre again today with my little boy. Didn't get to see the entire thing (he got restless right around the seventh inning), but again, from what I saw, what a promising team we have this year. Even if Batista DID screw things up towards the end....

Unrelated note: caught the movie Hitch tonight, and it was far better than I figured it would be. Will Smith is definitely growing out of his 'annoying jerk' phase and becoming a better all-around actor. Kevin.... what's his name, the King of Queens guy, was actually quite funny in his role as well. Anyways, it's not the best movie I've seen this year or anything, but definitely worth a peek.

Stuart Stone: World's Luckiest Jerk

From frequent ITR target/good friend Stuart Stone -- check out his WrestleMania after-party pictures right here!

Let's Go Blue Jays!

Saw the season opener last night, and I can already tell this team is FAR superior to last year's club. Sure, they lost in a last-minute heartbreaker, but the fact that they showed as much as they did (against the BoSox, no less) is a very good sign. Not only that, SkyDo...er, sorry, the Rogers Centre, was completely sold out - I can't remember the last non-championship game that had that kind of success. Having some support this year can't hurt their cause.

Anyways, I'm headed back on Sunday with my son and really excited for the coming season.

Latest ITR

Live at WrestleMania

Technical difficulties kept OO from bringing you the timely and complete results from Sunday's WrestleMania 21 PPV... but some things are worth waiting for, and in this case, a 4 day delay has resulted in a LIVE, on the scene report from WM21! It's got every angle covered from the most primo seats in the house! You won't believe that WWE held a 30-man Battle Royale before the PPV telecast! You won't believe who won it! You won't believe what musically talented former tag team champions opened the show with a rousing tune! You, in short, won't believe anything that comes from the Canadian Bulldog's fingers! But trust me, you'll enjoy the hell out of the ride in the latest Inside the Ropes.

ITR (Online Onslaught)
ITR (The W)

Interesting DVD Idea

Came across this today on the Torch site: A nine-hour, three-DVD shoot interview with Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara.

After hearing the 10-minute audio sample on the Torch site, I was hooked. I've got to have this one -- and I'm not even kidding! Love or hate what these two guys did to the business, I've got to think they have some interesting things to say.

It's probably not for everyone, but for only 20 bucks, I'm definitely going to take a look at it. Will let you know how it turns out...

What Did Jesus Do?

Checked out the comment board again today at http://www.aaronaguilera.com/ and it looks my buddy Sal is continuing to egg Jesus on. First there's this:

Canadian Bulldog wrote about a benefit card for oyu, it was a joke!http://www.onlineonslaught.com/columns/bulldog/20050324.shtml
2 April 2005 - Rochester
Aaron Aguilera Replies: that still doesnt answer my question: who is the canadian bulldog?

(I probably should have added: DON'T PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!)

Then:

juncopartner
Bulldog's a pretty funny writer, who does spoof wrestling columns and prank e-mails to wrestlers. If you're asking whether he's actually a wrestler/promoter Aaron, the answer is no.
4 April 2005 - England
Aaron Aguilera Replies: cool

Sal
Bulldog writes on online onslaught. Was that really you who responded?
4 April 2005 - Rochester
Aaron Aguilera Replies: who cares?

WrestleMania Thoughts

Well, I'd be lying if this was the best WrestleMania ever, but it was certainly a fun night out. Forgive me if this entry isn't making a whole lot of sense, I'm under the weather right now and a little woozy, to be honest.

Rey Mysterio vs Eddie Guerrero
Not bad at all. I would have liked to see Rey Rey turn heel, but the match was pretty sound.

Money In The Bank
Why on earth was this second on the show, particularly following a hot Eddie-Rey match? Tons of sick spots, a helluva performance by everyone (Kane of all people did great, though Shelton and Benoit pulled off some great bumps too). I hope Benoit's okay, he looked in serious pain towards the end there. Edge winning was definitely the right decision.

Eugene-Hassan-Hogan
Pretty much as expected. Fun nonetheless.

Undertaker vs Randy Orton
Actually, was much better than I'd expected. Both guys did the right thing here (Undertaker sold and Orton didn't screw anything up). Hell, Bob Orton took a helluva bump; forget Chavo Classic, I'd be happy to see Orton Classic around for a while. Not a bad match at all.

Trish Stratus vs Christy Hemme
Hey, it was quick. No harm done.

Shawn Michaels vs Kurt Angle
Lived up to the hype and then some. I didn't figure Kurt was going to make Michaels tap, but that's what made it more exciting in the end. That corkscrew HBK pulled off was fantastic, though I question JR's call that he crashed into a "reinforced steel table". MOTY candidate for sure.

Piper's Pit
Lots of fun, wasn't overly long, and although I didn't predict Carlito would be there, it was still quite predictable.

Akebono vs Big Show
Just terrible. Why? That was WAYYYY more of Big Show than I ever needed to see. Who did that match help?

John Cena vs JBL
Disappointing, to say the least. You've gone this far in pushing JBL and his world-beating title reign. The least you could have done is booked a more solid match. Hell, this is one time I would have wanted Orlando and The Bashams to interfere.

Hall of Fame Ceremony
Simple, classy, and not at all overdone. Perfect.

Batista vs Triple H
A little disappointing, but not horrible or anything. Batista seemed blown up pretty early, but Big Dave hasn't really had a lot of long matches to speak of. Triple H did his best to keep things going, and like I said, it wasn't terrible. But for a match of that magnitude, it deserved a little something more. Maybe just a faster pace.

Overall, I did like the show. But my immediate (and flu-induced) reaction? It's still behind 20, 17, 3 and a few others as the best WrestleMania ever.

WrestleMania Predictions

Right here.

Jesus Strikes Back!

Thanks to ITR reader Sal for this interesting feedback:

Dog - mentioned yor column on Jesus' website an he pretended like he didn't know you. I wrote:

Dude U totally got punk'd by the canadian bulldog.
26 March 2005 - Rochester
Aaron Aguilera Replies: who is the canadian bulldog?

Then I wrote

Canadian Bulldog wrote about a benefit card for oyu, it was a joke!http://www.onlineonslaught.com/columns/bulldog/20050324.shtml

And he hasn't responded yet!


Thanks, Sal. You can actually check out the site at http://www.aaronaguilera.com and then click on the comment board. It's kind of interesting that he replies to pretty much everything people post there...